Heavy Heart

I still can't get over it. Each time I wake up, it's the first thing that comes into my mind. Then, there's the literal heartache. And then fresh, hot tears.

I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of having a heavy heart.  But I just can't help it.

After what happened, I stopped believing in happy endings. For I'm now sure that fairy tale-like happy endings are not for me. I stopped planning for myself. For planning will only make you expect, and eventually will hurt you. I stopped being optimistic. For too much happy thoughts will make you forget what reality is. I stopped being happy. For happiness will only make you realize that everytime you're happy, the next thing that will happen will make you sad. Although you're seeing me smiling, you're looking at my mask. For a good smile is a good cover-up. I stopped believing in FOREVER. For in fact, nothing lasts forever. Nothing stays the same as it was. There's before and there's after.

I really don't know if I can still bear this pain. I don't know if I can stand up again and move on. This, what happened between him and I, hit me pretty hard. It crashed me into pieces. I lost myself. I don't know when, and where will I find the pieces.