let it show.

Moving Forward

2009-03-18T04:41:00.001-07:00

This is my last letter to him. I sent it yesterday [031709] via e-mail. He replied with an SMS this morning [evening there] since his monitor is not yet fixed and more alibis. I appreciated his reply but it's now time to let go.

I didnt edit the content of this letter. I only edited our names here. But for those who know our story, you know who is the person I love the most. The one I'm letting go.

I just want to share this. Many of friends are telling me to MOVE ON and I am doing it now. I think, this will help. In what way? I have no idea. I am just sure that after this letter, there's no turning back.

Today is a supposed-to-be-third-year-anniversary day. A supposed-to-be-HIM-and-I day. A supposed-to-be-happy day. Only supposed-to-be's, not reality.

Honestly, I am finding it hard to move one because I want to hold you. I want to keep you. I dont want anybody else but you. But it in our case right now, it's very impossible.

You know what, this is harder than expected. But I agree with you when you decided that we're better off this way so I must deal with this, right? No one is to be blame because we both agreed on this. You didnt insist.

After this day, I'll stop hoping than you and I will be together again. Hoping makes me want to always ask if you're ok. I will just annoy you with my comments and SMSs. I am fully letting you go. I'll pick up the pieces again to make me feel that I am complete even without you.

I know, that will be hard. It is hard to forget the person I loved for more than three years, and will always love. But I have to. I need to, so that you can move forward, not worrying about what I will feel, about me.

This is the hardest decision I have ever made because I know, I will lose the person I love the most. But like what I have said, I have to even if it is against my will. Even if it will hurt me a lot.

Let me tell you this for the very last time HIM.

I love you so much baby. Thank you for being a part of me. Thanks a bunch. I have always appreciated you and will always do. I apologize for all the things that made you sad, irritated, angry, frustrated. Ingat, ok? I am always here. I love you.

This is hard you know. I am trying not to cry while I am typing this but the tears kept on falling. Stupid tear glands. Have a nice day HIM Until we meet again.

Toxic

2009-03-06T16:29:00.001-08:00

Ano ba yan. Patapos na ang ibang school. Nagka-count down na sila para sa summer vacation, samantalang kami, ako, eto at nangangarag pa din sa dami ng requirements na kapag tinamad ako, goodbye dean's list na ang mangyayari sa buhay ko. Toxic na kung tutuusin ang mga pinapagawa sa amin.

FSTUDY5: Gumawa ng assessment tool na i-implement sa chosen class. Hindi to problema kasi ang bait nung sa school na napuntahan namin. KASO, MONDAY na daw namin i-implement, sabi nung teacher, periodicals na daw kaso. KAMON. Last wednesday lang to sinabi sa amin. Akala namin, next week pa kami gagawa. Ayy grabe naman talaga. Hassle. Buti na lang AC ang REMDENG. Kaya after ASESLE1 [8:00-930] eh punta na agad kami sa KABAYANAN [San Juan] para magturo. Nakakaloka. May hinahabol pa kami pabalik gawa nung sa LANGRES. naloloka na ako ha.

AFROASN: Gumawa ng literary criticism sa alinman sa apat na libro na pinapabasa niya. Yung akin, CONCISE CHINESE-ENGLISH DICTIONARY FOR LOVERS. Erotic. Mawawala ang grammar skills pag binasa ito. Makikita ang difference ng Western and Eastern Culture. Anyway, ok naman sana to kaso. WALA AKONG BACKGROUND KUNG PAANO MAG CRITIQUE NG ISANG LITERARY TEXT. Ang inaasahan ko kasi na magtuturo sa amin, itago na lang natin sa pangalan MS. CUTIFY-YOUR-WORK, eh pinagturo ba naman kami sa mga LIT CLASSES nang hindi man lang kami tinuturuan kung paano ang magturo ng lit. Ayos di ba? Sa ngayon, medyo ngarag pa ako kasi hindi ko alam kung paano ko ipapasok ung theory ko. Tapos, nahihirapan akong magpaliwanag. Sana, matapos ko to ngayon para mamaya, FILKOMU naman.

FILKOMU: Sagutan ang mga tanong tungkol sa pinanood na dula, SAN TAYO DADALHIN NG DISYEMBRE?. Nakakalito ung play, pero ok lang naman siya. Nahihirapan lang ako dun sa pali-paliwanag. HIndi naman kasi ako nakinig ng ayos. Nakakaantok eh. Tapos, wala. Hindi ko feel ang mga ganitong activity. Aanhin pa ba nila ang opinyon kung hindi naman nila babaguhin ung paraan ng pagpapalabas nila?

EDUCRSC: hay. ITO ANG PINAKABORING NA CLASS NA NAPASUKAN KO, EVER! Pag ito nang klaseng to, wala, TIME FLIES REAL SLOW. Grabe. Wala. Wala akong natututunan dito. Nagkakaroon lang ako ng kasalanan pag anfito ako sa klaseng ito. Grabe talaga.EDNA-MODE. HIndi ko siya kinakaya. Paano pa kaya namin matatapos ang aming research study kung puro sya lecture ng mga bagay na sa tingin ko, makakalimutan din namin? Anu ba yan!

LANGRES: Isa pa to. NAloloka na ako sa mga RRL. Sana kasi, imbes na pinagreport niya kami ay eto na lang iyung pinagawa niya kasi kinakapos na kami sa oras. Magsasara na yung mga schools kasi summer vacation na. Naloloka na talaga ako ah. TAMA BANG PAGSABAYIN ANG 2 RESEARCH COURSE SA ISANG TERM???????

REMDENG: Ang aming case study class. Naaawa na ako sa participant namin kasi parang nabibigyan din namin sya ng extra work load. Pero babawi na lang kami sa kanya sa pamamagitan ng token of appreciation. Anyway, buti at medyo naayos na namin to ni mylove. Sinisimulan ko na din kasi ayaw ko nang magcram. Pati kailangan kong bumawi. Ito ang magsasalba sa grade ko.

ASESLE1: Ang TEST PROJECT. Haaay. Tinatamad akong mag-edit pero kailangan. Anu ba yan. Pero kung tutuusin, ams madali to kesa dun sa class ni Mr. MAGNO. Numbers. Graph. Kurtosis. WAAAH! Nakakaloka! Masaya na ako kay Ms. Lara :D

KASPIL2: WAAAH. Patapos na ang term ay hindi pa rin namin narereceive iyung mail galing sa kanya. Hindi pa rin namin nasasagutan iyung mga research questions at nakakagwa ng written report. Grabe talaga ang mga nangyayari ngayon. MAy jinx ata mga account namin. Yung sa group lang namin iyung hindi niya nasesendan. Feeling na niya siguro, pinagkakaisahan na namin siya. BOO.

Kailan kaya matatapos ang term na to? Ito na kasi ang pinaka sa lahat. Grabe. Hassle. Hinahanda na kami sa hassle THIRD YEAR LIFE. Sana kayanin ko pa, namin. Woo!

It's done.

2009-03-06T04:12:00.001-08:00

im goddamned disappointed with you. you proved me wrong. i feel so stupid. i always accept your alibis. i never asked you to explain. i am freaking mad. i dont know if i did something wrong. i have no idea. all i know is that im really annoyed with what YOU ARE DOING. i guess, we’re not really for each other. why try to make it work if it really won’t work? damnit. you know how much i love. my life would suck without. but i have to face this on my own. YOU HAVE BEEN SO INSENSITIVE. i font have to tell you the instances that you’ve been like that. i hate you. you didnt even care. you know what, i think that im the one who is selfish in our relationship because i keep think that you should do this and that. that you should act like this and that. but in the end, i realized that i should not do that. why? because i loved you the way you are. changes are not needed, only imrovements and adjustments. and besides, if you will change, you’re not the same person i lovef before. but now. after what you’re doing, i think that you’re the one who is selfish. you know what, what im feeling right is too hard to release that it is killing me. you mean everything to me but you just throw that away., thanks for that v, you made me realize how stupid i am to give everything to the one who is not willing or even open to give the same amount of love. thank you.

Anxiety Attack

2009-02-13T22:02:00.000-08:00

The feeling of being left behind starts to haunt me.

He’ll leave again for London this Friday. And it’s not yet sure when will he be back, this coming July or January next year due to family reasons. Boo.

It’s his third time to leave for London. It’s the third time that he’ll leave me. And yet, the sadness is still there.

Right now, I cant help but cry. Weird. It’s not the first time but I dont want him to leave. BUt like what he’s always telling me, he has to. I dont know why is this happening to me. I guess, it’s because I consider him as my other half. The half that makes me complete. It seems like I am dependent to him but it is just because no one understands me the way he do.

By the time he’s on his way back to London, everything will not be the same. Although we dont see each other everyday and just send SMSs, it’s still better. it feels like he is so near that I can just go to his house and surprise him. Unlike when he’s in London. It’s a thousand miles away from here. From me.

Long distance relationship is not easy as it looks like. It takes a lot of effort. Patience. Trust. Communication and Love. I hope we make it till the end.

PS: I’ll miss him a lot. :And I love him so much.

Acceptance

2009-01-31T03:26:00.001-08:00

I just can’t stop loving that man of mine. Or shall I say, my former man?
It’s a phase I don’t know if I can move on to the next one. Everytime I decide to begin a new life, the not-so-good memories flash bak.Evrytime I try to be happy, tears start to flow. Everytime I try to forget whathappened, what had been said and done start to run in my mind. Everytime I try to sleep peacefully at night, his face suddenly appear in my dreams. Everytime I tell myself that I’ll be all right, I just know that I’m just pretending.

Harsh words were spoken and actions were done. Those can’t be taken back anymore. Those already stabbed me pretty hard. The good thing is that the wounds start to dry up and soon, will be scars. Scars that will remind me of everything since the day we realized that we’re somehow meant for each other.

Now, there’s no need for patching things up, just closure. For in fact, nothing’s gonna be the same. Just have to accept the fact that we already reached the end. Life goes on no matter what happened. Every after fall, I should always stand up.

Through skinned knees and wounded heart, I already learned my lesson. Life is too beautiful to waste so I should make the most out of it. If this didn’t work, maybe the next one will. I already realized what my shortcomings are. What I should change and improve. A relationship is a two-way thing. Both of you should benefit from it. In our case, we have too much differences that we could not resolve anymore. At least, I have no regrets.

HE has been the BEST BOYFRIEND I ever had. Bitter? Of course, not. I’m sayingit from my heart. I will really miss him. I had a great time spending an almost three year relatiionship with him. Though our relationship is like a “switch”, we know that we’re true to each other. I just love you, bhy. I really do.

I know, I’m getting there.

"Iiyak iyak siya ngayon..."

2009-01-28T03:58:00.001-08:00

Aray. Iyan na ang ikalawa sa pinakamasakit na sinabi niya. Ang sakit.

Kung sa bagay, ano nga naman ba ang karapatan niyang umiyak? SIya naman ang nagsabi na huwag na muna magtext ah. Pero may matinong bang lalaki na matitiis na hindi magtext? Na susundin ang lahat ng sinabi ng babae? Paano kung sinabi niya na magpakamatay na lang siya. gagawin din ba niya?

Ang hirap.

Iiyak iyak siya ngayon kasi nasasaktan siya sa mga nangyari. Kasi iyon din lang ang alam niyang gawin para kahit paano mailabas niya lahat ng sama ng loob niya. Kasi iyon lang iyong naiisip niyang paraan para hindi ka niya masumbatan. Kasi para sa kanya, mas mabuti pang umiyak na lang siya kaysa sabihin sa kanya lahat ng hinanakit niya. Kasi sa pag-iyak, doon niya mas nailalabas kung anu man ang nararamdaman niya, bukod sa pagsusulat niya ng mga ganito at pagkukwento sa ilang malalapit na kaibigan.

Iiyak iyak siya ngayon kasi hindi niya akalain na matitiis siya ng ganoon. HIndi niya akalain na parang nabalewala lang ang halos tatlong taon na.. Na tila ba wala na lang iyon sa kanya. Hindi niya akalain na ganoon na lang siya kadaling balewalain. Hindi niya akalain na sobrang isasampal sa kanya na wala siyang halaga. Na wala siyang kwenta. Na wala lang siya. Higit pa sa mahigit na isandaang saksak ang natamo niya sa sobrang sakit.

Iiyak iyak siya ngayon kasi sobra siyang nasaktan. Kasi sobra niyang mahal si.. Kasi nawala ung kalahati ng mundo niya. Kasi unti-unti nang pumapasok sa kanya na wala nang magagawa. Kasi ibinuhos niya ang lahat ng kaya niyang ibigay sa kanya, na kahit konti, wala na siyang naitira para sa kanila.

Kung iiyak iyak man siya ngayon, kasalanan din niya. Pero sana, huwag naman isampal ng buong-buo na siya lang ang may kasalanan ng lahat.

Hindi niya alam kung kailan magiging maayos lahat. Kung kailan siya babalik sa dati. Kung hanggang kailang siya iiyak iyak. Pati nga kung magmamahal pa ulit sya, hindi na niya alam. Naiisip na niya, mas mabuti pang mag-isa na lang, kasi yung sarili niya, hindi siya iiwan. Ayaw pa naman niya ang iniiwan. Ayaw na ayaw pa naman niya ang pakiramdam ng nag-iisa.

Heavy Heart

2009-01-27T04:05:00.001-08:00

I still can't get over it. Each time I wake up, it's the first thing that comes into my mind. Then, there's the literal heartache. And then fresh, hot tears.

I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of having a heavy heart. But I just can't help it.

After what happened, I stopped believing in happy endings. For I'm now sure that fairy tale-like happy endings are not for me. I stopped planning for myself. For planning will only make you expect, and eventually will hurt you. I stopped being optimistic. For too much happy thoughts will make you forget what reality is. I stopped being happy. For happiness will only make you realize that everytime you're happy, the next thing that will happen will make you sad. Although you're seeing me smiling, you're looking at my mask. For a good smile is a good cover-up. I stopped believing in FOREVER. For in fact, nothing lasts forever. Nothing stays the same as it was. There's before and there's after.

I really don't know if I can still bear this pain. I don't know if I can stand up again and move on. This, what happened between him and I, hit me pretty hard. It crashed me into pieces. I lost myself. I don't know when, and where will I find the pieces.

Deep Pain

2009-01-27T04:03:00.000-08:00

I hope you find the strength to start all over again - Benjamin Button.

I wish I could. I wish I could.

HIndi ko alam kung anong lenggwahe ang gagamitin ko habang isinusulat ko. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko ba mas mailalabas ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Kaya sana, pagpasensyahan niyo na kung pabago-bago ang wikang ginagamit ko.

I don’t know where will I start. I don’t know if I can start all over again. I don’t know if I could still bear the pain. Because of what happened last night, this happened. This happened to me. What I’m feeling right is just loneliness. I can’t be mad at him. I am not mad at him.

Loneliness. Pain. Morose. I can use those words to define my mood right now. My eyes can’t even smile. I am in deep pain and I don’t know how to ease it.

Hindi ko maiwasan na hindi isipin iyong mga nangyari kagabi. HIndi ko maiwasan na hindi isipin kung bakit niya nagawa iyon. KUng bakit kayang kaya niya akong tiisin. KUng bakit bigla na lang nagkaganoon. PInilit kong intindihin kung anu man ang pinagdadaraanan niya. Subalit mukhang hindi naman niya iyon nakikita. HIndi ko na alam ang nangyayari sa akin. Umiiyak na lang ako. Tumutulo iyong luha ko habang nakikinig sa klase. HIndi ko akalain na ganito pala talaga iyong sakit. IYong tipo na sa buong byahe ko pauwi eh umiiyak lang ako. Na habang hinihintay ko iyong mga kaklase ko eh umiiyak na lang ako bigla.

It’s hard to pretend you’re happy if you’re really not. Right now, I do not know what true happiness means. I’m not strong. I’m not weak either. I’m just aperson who falls in love. And eventually, gets hurt.

It feels like I’m facing the consequences on my own.

Sa totoo lang, para akong ilang beses sinaksak. Butas butas na iyong katawan ko. Ang sakit-sakit. Sobrang sakit. Kung pwede lang na i-reformat ko ang utak ko, gagawin ko. Para lang makalimutan ko lahat. Para kahit paano,mabago yung tingin ko sa mga bagay-bagay. Kung hindi naman reformat, sana, pwede akong magdelete. Para wala na talaga. KAso hindi. HIndi pwede. HIndi ko kaya. Ang alam ko lang, nasaktan ako ng sobra.

I miss the feeling of being loved by someone special but I’m tired of it. Ironic, isn’t?

Hindi ko alam kung maaayos pa ako. Para sa mga taong pagod na sa mga drama ko, pagbigyan nyo muna akong ilabas to. Pagbigyan niyo muna akong mag-inarte sa harap niyo. Baka kasi makatulong to na bumalik ako sa dati,.

Kung iisipin nga, ang babaw lang nito. KAso hindi eh. Ito na yung pinakamasakit. Daig pa nito iyong nalaman ko na niloko lang ako dati. Ang sakit-sakit.

Kung sa bawat pag-iyak ko, nakakalimutan ko ang lahat, buong buhay ko na ang ibubuhos ko dito. Hindi ko na alam kung anong mangyayari sa akin.PWedeng bumalik sa dato o hindi niyo na ulit ako makita. Sobra akong naapektuhan sa mga nangyari. Kung mararamdaman niyo lang kung ano man ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Siguro, maiintindihan niyo kung bakit ako nagkakaganito.

Para sa mga taong unang tumulong sa akin..

UTOT JUDE GELI MYLOVE KATHY: maraming salamat. maraming maraming salamat. hindi niyo alam kung gaano katindi iyong ginawa niyo. salamat. kahit paano, alam ko na tunay ko talaga kayong kaibigan, lalo ka na geli. hindi ko inaasahan iyong kagabi. maraming salamat. jude, isa ka pa. kahit na pinagtatanggol mo pa sya. maraming salamat. kathy, salamat sa pakikinig sa akin kaninang umaga. sobra mo akong pinaiyak pero ok lang. utotmylove, kahit na kung anu2 ang sinasabi niyo sa kanya, mahal ko pa din kayo. maraming salamt ah? maraming salamat. wag kayong magsawang makinig sa kadramahan ko ah?

Ako si Armine. Takot akong mag-isa. Takot akong maiwan.

It's unbearable.

2009-01-25T02:34:00.000-08:00

I have a heavy heart. I can't get over it. I can't move on. I'm too much traumatized by what's happening between us. I can't understand his actions. I'm becoming narrow-minded person. I am in so much pain right now. Even crying can't help me. Even my dearest friends can't make me laugh. It may seem that I am overreacting but this is too much. The pain, it's killing me. This is my first time I ever felt this. The feeling of being unwanted by the person you loved the most. Letting this out is not easy. It will never be easy. I hate goodbyes but I have many of those. I'm losing all my hopes. I'm starting to lose myself.

I'm hurt.

2009-01-25T01:25:00.000-08:00

He came home early this morning and I haven't receive any of his text as of this moment. I know that I'm not the reason why he's here but am I being too selfish for asking for just one text message from him? I am really hurt because of that action. It makes me realize that there's before and there's after.. nothing stays the same as it was. Something happened before this but I couldn't believe that he is doing this. Two of my very close friends told me that I should not wait, or assume that he will send a text message but I just can't help it. All I know is that I miss him. I want to see him. BUt I guess, he doesn't want to see me. Or keep in touch either. I know, I'm so pathetic, desperate. But this is what I feel. Right now, I'm not just hurt. But disappointed.. and depressed. This is most hurtful thing he did to me, intentionally or not. The pain is tearing me apart.

Laughtrip.. but MEAN!

2009-01-23T21:55:00.000-08:00

Top things to say to a hot guy/girl with an ugly boyfriend/girlfriend:

1. “Pare, mahilig ka pala sa abstract…”

2. “Ay…lugi…”

3. “Tale as old as time…”

4. “Pare, ba’t may ka-holding hands ka na lalaki?”

5. “Tamang-tama miss! Kamukha mo si Heidi Klum…at kamukha naman niya si Seal!”

6. “Sabi ko na nga ba eh, mahilig ka sa inner beauty.”

7. “Uy, hindi pa pala extinct yung ganyan?”

8. “Idol mo si Andrew E. kaya ka humanap ng pangit?”

9. “Pare ilegal yan, i-surrender mo na yan sa DENR!”

10. “Masarap siya siguro magmahal, no?”

11. “Miss, hindi pa ba nagbabayad ng ransom ang mga relatives mo″

12. “Ikaw naman, nung sinabihan kitang be kind to animals, hindi naman ganyan!”

13. “Magkano inabot?”

14. “Uy, ang cute! Anong breed?”

15. "Aba, aba, aba, true love nga!”

16. “Wow, ang sarap i-photoshop!”

17. “Let me guess, mahaba ang dila niya, noh?”

18. “Sabi ko na nga ba, katawan lang ang habol mo eh!”

19. “Wow, ang sarap ng girlfriend mo…ang sarap sampalin!”

20. “Hoy, mag-sorry ka sa mga mata ko!”

21. “You know, it’s unethical for a doctor to date his patients, especially if you’re a vet.”

22. “Pare, ano siya, mabait o mayaman?”

23. “Wow pare, naks, kamukha ni anne curtis ang girlfriend mo ah…sa kapanerang kuba…”

24. “Wow, mukha palang ulam na! Ulam na panis!”

25. “Hindi ka na ba naawa sa mga magiging anak niyo?”

26. “Pare, Pinoy ka! Pinoy ka! Anong akala mo sa sarili mo, foreigner?”

27. “Nangangagat? Pwedeng hawakan?”

28. “Pare, minsan try mo din yung tao…”

29. “Pare, magiging swan ba yan sa ending?”

30. “Dad! Bilis! Tignan mo yung dala nung mama! Bilis, bigyan mo ng saging!”

HE said, SHE said

2008-12-15T05:04:00.001-08:00

from Arianne :)

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Kismet Exists [Min Lantin]

2008-12-13T04:08:00.000-08:00

“Why pursue changing the world if you can’t even change yourself? Don’t you know that you should start with yourself since you’re the one who is causing all the problems in our society? Lack of discipline and initiative of the Filipinos is the main reason why we are not successful. I don't think that that kind of approach will be effective. We should try something which is already tested,” I said firmly after a long pause.

“Don't talk like you're perfect. I want our advertisement to be in that way. We are not copycats here. Just do what I said. No buts. Meeting adjourned,” Kevin answered.

That part of the conversation still echoed in my mind. I could not get over it. I could not believe how the Ateneo gave the Summa Cum Laude title to him. His answer was really ridiculous. I hated the way he looked at me; it was like I was a sore loser. I really couldn’t believe that he was my boss. Of all people, why him? I didn’t know what God’s plans were but I really hated His plan on making me work in the same department with him. I strongly believe in karma but I did not know that it would hit me more than I had expected.

As I retreated back to my cubicle, there was only one question running in my mind. “Why on earth am I near again to Mr. Kyle Kenvick “Klein” Hernandez who caused me too much pain?” I sat on my chair and remembered the past; our past that made me a different person from who I used to be when he was around.

We were neighbors before and our parents were the best of friends. At first, we were like cats and dogs, always fighting and mocking each other. No matter how our parents told us that we should be good to each other, we didn’t listen because we saw each other as enemies. We were allergic to be near each other. Every time we saw each other, we stuck our tongues out and then called each other with bad names. But when we set our feet in high school as freshmen students, everything changed.

One day, I was alone in the canteen because no one wanted to eat with me. They said that they did not like me because I was such a spoiled brat for it would seem that I had everything. I could not understand what they were talking about so I just left them. I did not want them to see me crying so I ran as far as I could until I found myself sitting in the old swing at the back of our school. I cried my heart out there until I felt that someone was looking at me. It was Klein. He was carrying a cone of raspberry ice cream, my favorite ice cream flavor. He looked like he was really worried. His eyes showed that he was bothered with what was happening to me.

“Why are you crying?” Klein asked me as he walked towards me.

“Oh, something just went into my eyes,” I answered, as I wept my tears.

“Since when did you become a liar?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Come on, Aleya. I saw what happened at the canteen. I was sitting three rows behind you.”

“Oh,”

“Here.” He gave me the ice cream he was holding. “Eat your heart out with your favorite ice cream instead of crying. You look like mad dog,” he said seriously.

“KLEIN!” I shouted. “I do not look like a mad dog and I don’t want your ice cream!”

“Hey Aleya, I was just kidding. Just don’t cry again. It makes me sad,” he said.

Puzzled, I stared at him and asked, “Sad? But why? Isn’t that you’re always me cry?”

“It is not the same, Aleya. Look, let’s not talk about this anymore. It’s almost time. Eat this before it melts.”

“All right. Thanks Klein. Let’s go.” I stood up and walked towards the main building

“By the way,” he paused.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Can we stop fighting?”

“What?” I was surprised.

“Let’s not fight anymore. We’re now in high school. We should act like one,” he said while looking at the old swing.

“I agree with you. We should not be childish anymore. It’s pretty annoying,” I said with a laugh

“Yeah. Come on now. Oh, one more thing Aleya,” he paused again.

“Yes, Klein?”

“Would you mind if I come over to your house tonight?” he mumbled.

“Sure. But why so sudden? We both know that you don’t like to go to my house,” I said.

“Because--”

“Because?”

“Because I want you to help me finish our Literacy homework. Yeah. That’s it. I want to ask for your help. Literacy is your best subject.”

“Oh. All right.”

“Is it okay with you?”

“Of course. We’re friends now, remember?”

“Right. Friends,” he said, emphasizing on the word friends.

“Come on now. I don’t want us to be late,” I said with a smile.

“All right. Thanks.”

“Thanks?” puzzled. “For what?”

“You are full with questions, do you know that?” he said.

“Yeah, because I know that you are full with answers,” I said.

“You’re confusing me!”

“Nah-ah! I am just making you think. Let’s go now Mr. Kyle Kenvick Hernandez.”

“All right Ms. Amiela Arineya Mercado,” he said teasingly.

I was still puzzled by what happened that day. Klein was never like that. I just instilled in my mind that Klein matured because of watching “One Tree Hill” and “The Orange County”. At least, we were both happy then, especially our parents. There were no fights, no yells, no calling of bad names and other childish stuff. I was happy. Klein was happy. Everybody was happy. As years passed by, we went along well. We became best of friends like our parents. We sat on the bus next to each other and he fetched me everyday. We answered our home works at the same time and went to school parties together. I got his back and he got mine.

Well, I thought that everything would run smoothly between the two of us because of the changes that happened but I was wrong. He did something to me when we were in our senior year. It was our break time and I had to go to the library to do my homework for literacy. After finishing my home work, I went back to our classroom and put my notebook on my desk. I was almost late then because my Numeracy teacher was already in front of her desk, calling names for attendance when I entered our classroom. When I opened my bag, I saw a slimy snake crawling on my things. I freaked out, yelled “SNAKE!” and disturbed the whole class. I hated snakes a lot because they made me feel creepy. I was not thinking that our Numeracy teacher was a terror teacher so I just shouted. What else could I do? I was shocked. My Numeracy teacher got so mad at me for interrupting the class and asked me to go to the discipline’s office immediately and tell the officer-in-charge what I did. I was still shocked as I walked towards the door.

I thought that my bad luck would end there until one of my classmates tripped me that made me fall with my face flat on the floor. Of course, everyone laughed. I stood up and looked at Klein. He was laughing too.

After the bad fall, I walked ahead in the corridors with my head raised up and tried to forget my fall. I did not cry because I knew that I did not do something wrong. I knew that what I did was expected, especially if you have phobia for snakes.

As soon as I entered the discipline’s office, I explained to the officer-in-charge what really happened. He did not believe me so he called one of my classmates, Klein. I thought that I would be saved there because he knew that I was in the library but I was wrong again. He said the complete opposite of what happened. I was so shocked that I started to cry. I never thought that Kevin would tell such a lie that would hurt me a lot. Because of Kevin’s statement, I was sent to detention. I was so humiliated and furious about what happened. I forgot the snake in my bag but not what Kelly did. Seeing him everyday was unbearable, especially when I have realized that I felt something special for him. I thought that we were friends, the best of friends. I thought we could be more than just friends. Well, I was undeniably wrong.

After what happened, I told my parents that I wanted to study in another school so they sent me to the one of the finest universities in the country. I studied at De La Salle University- Manila and took up Advertising Management. I took this because I had that passion for influencing other people and changing their lifestyles. I grew up in a world of luxury and that made people think that I was like any other rich girls who didn’t know how to live a normal life. Well, they were all wrong. I could do household chores because my parents taught me that I should not always depend on money since it is not forever. I wanted to influence other people through the means of advertisements. I admired those commercials that made a difference and people change their lifestyle.

After my graduation, I immediately submitted a résumé to Advertise and Rise Corporation. It was the most prestigious advertising company in the country and was located at the heart of Makati. It had produced many great advertisements and commercials that really clicked. It made all the products very marketable and the models/endorsers famous. All the producers, businessmen and even politicians asked the company to make them advertisements. I was very determined to get a job from that company and be its boss in the future. I knew that that company would help me achieve my dream.

After a lot of interviews and screenings, I got the job I wanted badly, creative assistant. I was really surprised and excited on my first day in my dream job. Before, I worked in our company because I was compelled to do so but I knew that it was not my calling. I wanted to help our business grow but I could not do it since I did not enjoy doing it. It was like an everyday routine, instead of a hobby that I need to accomplish. My parents disagreed at first with my new job but what else can they do, they knew how determined I was to get that job.

On my first day, I dressed like a yuppie. Of course, I wanted to impress my officemates. After asking the receptionist in the main lobby of Advertise and Rise Corporation where the Creative Department was, I instantly went straight ahead to my floor and looked for Mr. H or Mr. Hernandez.

At first, I thought of Klein, but I immediately erased it in my mind because as far as I could remember, his family transferred to Davao because of the job of Klein’s father, travelling agent. I imagined Mr. H as an old man who wore a hearing aid and used a cane to support his legs. I giggled as I entered his office. It was an elegant office. It was like what you see in a fashion magazine for houses in Paris. Its interior was very unique but a brilliant one can easily notice that it was the main office because of the products that were carefully displayed on the right side of the office.

“Captivated by my office and you lost your tongue?” said Mr. H while facing the huge window.

I blushed. But I immediately composed myself and answered “No sir. Good Morning Mr. H.”

“Good Morning. Sit down,” he answered without turning his back. “What is your name?” he asked after a long pause.

“I am Amiela Arineya Mercado.”

“Your name is too long.”

“You can call me Aleya.”

“How old are you?”

“I’m turning 20”

“Where did you graduate?”

“De La Salle University-Manila.”

“Ahh. The rival of my school.”

“He is from the blue side,” I said to myself.

“Why are you here?”

“I am here because I want to influence people to change themselves to live in a better place.”

“Are you an activist?”

“No, sir. I just have this vision in life that I must promote self-change because of my observations in the current situation of this country.”

“Oh, are you Mother Earth?”

“Again, Sir?”

“Nothing. I said, you’re still a pretty raspberry ice cream addict.”

I froze. Did he really say raspberry? Is my boss the guy from my past? “Klein?”

“Bingo!” he answered as he turned his back. His smile was still enchanting.

“Why on earth are you here?” I retorted.

“Why on earth am I here? It is simply because I am your boss, sweetie. Welcome to Advertise and Rise, your only way to good fortune. Aren’t you happy that we’re together again?” he smilingly said. His eyes were sparkling.

“Happy? Are you kidding me? Come on. Give me a break. Don’t start with me. I had enough of your foolishness. Where is the real Mr. H?”

“Well, he is right in front of you.”

“Oh my goodness.”

“Why? Let me make it up to you.”

“Make up? I will never forget what you did to me. You messed my last year in high school.”

“I know. I am really sorry. If you only knew what was the real reason behind it.”

“Let’s stop this nonsense conversation.”

“But Aleya.”

“What do you want me to do Mr. H?”

“Oh. All right then. Go to the Marketing Department and get the new products”

“Okay sir. But where is the Marketing Department?”

“I don’t know. I am pretty sure I did not eat it.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“By the way, change your top. It’s too revealing. I don’t want our clients to be distracted by your green sleeveless blouse.”

“Do you really have to say that?”

“Of course. I am the boss. I can say anything.”

After leaving the office, I immediately went to the ladies’ room and shouted my heart out. I thought that I would be away from him from the rest of my life since we studied college at different schools and his family transferred to Davao. But look how destiny works! We were on the same company. He was the boss and I was the employee. Oh no. God save me.

I was really shocked in our first meeting. I could not get over it so I immediately went to the nearest FIC ice cream parlor and bought a two scoop raspberry ice cream, my comfort food. Eating it made me calm and somehow forget my problem. It helped me avoid my uneasiness. But this one, I said to myself, is impossible to escape. I was working under the man I loathed the most. How could I do my job if I know that he’s always there? If I saw him, I always remembered the day he said that I made everything about the snake in my bag. Goodness. He made me look like a smart liar which was not true.

I could not believe he did that again to me in the meeting, making me look stupid. I was just suggesting and telling my opinions. It had been a month but I could not still get over his egoistic personality. I was thinking that he was just taking things too personal since our first meeting. The way he told me my first assignment was really annoying. His tone was really sarcastic. I hated it. My first assignment was to go around Quezon City and observe how people deal with change in weather. I should have left 30 minutes ago but because of that arrogant Kevin, I stayed in my cubicle and reminisced our not-so good past. I would be caught in the traffic. Those made me worry because I was not familiar with Quezon City. I am a Makati girl. It was a good thing that there were a lot of maps available at the bookstores. I said to myself that it would be easy for me to move around because I would bring my own car. But still, I felt nervous since my sense of direction was hopeless. I prayed to God to guide me.

I was busy fixing the things I needed to get the job done fast and correctly since I was so late. I wanted to get out of that office as soon as possible. I did not want to be under the sun all day and see my great boss. I was so preoccupied in checking my stuff that I did not mind to look where I was going. I was very confident that I would be able to roam around the office even if I have blindfold but suddenly, I bumped into someone. My things flew in the air like seagulls in the shore and I fell on the floor like a thrown sack of potatoes. Still shocked, I stood up and picked my things. It was a very embarrassing since that happened in the middle of the office and all my officemates were there, able to see that hilarious fall but I had to do my work. I had to meet my deadlines.

“I'm sorry,” I said as I fixed my things.

“Next time, look where you are going,” the person said.

Goodness. It was Klein, my boss!

“Sorry sir,” I said.

“No,” he said flatly.

“Sir. I did not mean it. I did not see you. I was busy fixing my things,” I sincerely said.

“Stop telling alibis. You cannot tell those to our clients,” he said angrily.

“Oh. All right sir. I'm sorry,” I thought that he would send me out of the department and yelled at me but I was wrong.

“Come on. Let's go to your location. I'll give you a hitch,” he finally said after a long pause and stare.

“No thanks sir. I can manage,” I said.

“That's an order.”

I could not refuse. He was my boss. His orders should be followed. I wanted my job. Besides, it would help me to go to Quezon City as fast as possible. Likewise, what happened between him and I should not be brought in the workplace. It was very unprofessional. During that moment, I dealt with him, no matter how painful it is to be seated in his BMW’s passenger seat.

“What are you thinking?” he asked. He was looking at the road.

“Nothing,” I said flatly.

“Come on. You're so quiet. Tell me what you're thinking,” he insisted.

“I am thinking of people,” I said in a monotone.

“What about people? Is there someone bothering you?” he asked. He looked bothered as I glanced at him.

“Why on earth are they here if all they do is ruin the world?”

“You’re making me laugh again,” he chuckled.

“Look, I’m serious. I wonder why they are complaining about the issues around them knowing the fact that they are the ones who made it possible.”

“You’re so preoccupied with your first assignment. Give yourself a break. Working too much is deadly. Let’s have an ice cream. I know a very good place at QC,” he gladly said. His eyes on the road.

“What are you doing Klein?” I asked.

“What?” he asked back.

“Why do you act like that? When we’re in the office you’re so cold, and now, you’re another person,” I mumbled.

“You just can’t see the real me, Aleya. You’re too anxious with what I did to you which makes you forget to see me, way back when we’re still young,” he answered quietly.

“Things changed. How can I see you if you’re not the real Klein? You see, you hurt me a lot. I don’t know what I did to you for you to do that to me. It may seem to you that I am so childish but you broke my trust!” I raised my voice. My cheeks reddened.

“Will you listen if I’ll explain everything to you?” he asked softly.

I nodded.

“One day, I saw you hugging Jed inside the school bus. We both know that he likes you. You told me that you feel nothing for him but the way you hugged him. It was like you two have a thing.”

“What? You’re crazy! I hugged him because he had lost his pet dog! I was just comforting him!”

“Shit! Are you serious?”

“But of course! Why will I lie to you? And besides, you should have asked me! You should have confronted me!”

“I tried. But my anger controlled me. I got so jealous of him.”

“Jealous? Of Jed?”

“Right. I am in love with you Aleya since we’re still young. You’re my first love. My first and last. I don’t want anybody to meddle with us. You’re mine.”

“You are definitely crazy! I am not your property! You love me? Come on Klein! Let’s not fool here.”

“I am not fooling around. I wanted to take revenge on what I saw inside the school bus.”

“That’s why you put that nasty snake inside my bag?”

“Yes.”

“You’re so immature and disgusting!”

“I know. I am sorry. I was impulsive then. I let my emotions controlled me. I should have thought first. I should have asked you. I should have trusted you.”

“Enough of your should haves, Klein. It will do nothing. You already messed up my last year in high school. Because of your so-called uncontrollable anger, you made everyone think that that I am such a smart liar.”

“I know. I am really sorry. Please forgive me. Call me anything you want, just forgive me.”

“I don’t know what to say. I trusted you a lot. I thought you knew me well. I thought you know that I would never find someone else. I know, it’s been five years, but the pain is still here. Of all people, why do you have to hurt me like that? After what you have told me. I don’t know if I can still work with you. I trust you a lot. I can forgive you but I can never forget what you did.”

“All right. But please, don’t resign. I know you love your job. That’s your way to reach your dream,” he said. He looked like he was going to cry.

“Will you please stop the car? I want to go home now. I will just do my activity tomorrow. And please, stop thinking about me leaving my job. I am not the kind of person who runs away from problems. I am not like other people here,” I said sarcastically.

“Let me take you home. I know you don’t know this place. I don’t want you to be harmed.”

“Don’t worry. It is nothing compared to the pain you’ve caused me.” I muttered

“All right,” he said and drove quietly.

As I entered my pad, I felt so helpless. I didn’t know what to do now. His revelations stressed me too much. Even a gallon of raspberry ice cream could not help. I was confused. I was torn between two opposite feelings, love and disgust. I knew that it seemed impossible but it was happening to me. I wanted to go away and escape but I wanted to be near him. I wanted to see his angelic face, smell his scent, hear his very manly voice, and most of all, be near him. I was desperate to be with him but whenever I saw him; I remembered what he did to me. If people would know the reason why I was so mad at him, they would probably laugh at me and say that I was too sensitive.

For quite some time, I thought that I was sensitive. Klein asked for apology already but still, I could not forget what he did. I could not resign. I knew that gone the days that I ran away from my problems. Facing reality was the only solution that ran in my mind, escaping was a big no-no. Living life with grudge over someone made me feel miserable and unhappy. So I said to myself that I would forget everything. I knew that it would be hard but I have to deal with it. I must deal with it, no matter how painful would it be.

III

After the confrontation inside his car, I had not seen Klein in the office. I asked her secretary where he was because of my assignment (which was only an alibi) but she said that Klein was on leave. I thought that it was my fault but then I realized that I did nothing but tell him what I felt. I could not help peek into his office but weeks had passed and there was no Klein in sight. I just assumed that he would be back after a month or two because of a special project.

One morning, I thought that I went to a different floor. The usual messy and noisy floor was so serene and clean that one could even meditate. I was curious. What happened to my department? Did they make some changes and I was not informed? I entered our office. It was more shocking. It was so dark. It was very suspicious looking since the Creative Department needed light. They could never start and finish their product if there was no light.

As I switched on the light, the cubicles were neatly arranged and the file cabinets were closed. And my officemates, they were so decent-looking. No one was wearing jeans and slippers. That was what I wanted to have as a workplace. That was what I imagined; all of my officemates would wear the proper attire. I tried to convince them before but they all disagreed. They said that they were in the “CREATIVE” department, not in the formal office. I was irritated of course but what could I do, I could not tell them the do’s and don’ts. I knew what my position in the department was. But now, all of them looked very professional. As I went near them, they were staring at me. It was very unusual since they did not waste time staring at someone. Time is precious, as they say always. They were all busy doing their respective assignments. I became conscious because of their stares. Was my dress out of the new rules? Did I have something on my face? All kinds of thoughts ran in my mind, then suddenly, Kevin’s secretary handed me a bouquet of tulips and a card. Surprised, I opened the letter and cried. It was written there “This is what you want our world to be, right? I'm giving way for your dreams. Love, Klein.”

“Where's Klein? I mean, Mr. H?” I asked the secretary.

“I don't know where exactly he is. He left the moment you arrived,” she said.

“All right. Thank you,” I said while I ran towards the door. I could not let him go without saying my gratitude.

“Where do you think are you going, Ms. Amiela Arineya Mercado?” someone from my back I asked. The voice was very familiar.

“Won't you thank me? Or give me a hug and kiss?” he asked jokingly as he walked near me.

I turned around and saw him standing beside the door. “Oh. Thank you,” I said with a smile

“That's all?” he asked again.

“Yes. That’s all,” I answered.

“Are you still mad at me?” he asked as he walked towards me.

“Actually, No. I have realized that I am being too childish. I should forget it. It's been ages ago, you know. And like what the famous line in The Road by Cormac McCarthy, what you want to forget you remember and what you want to remember you forget. Well, that’s real. It is happening to me. But I will try to make it unreal. I cannot live life like that.”

“Really? You’re becoming poetic,” he said jokingly.

“Yes, I am. If you do not want it, just say so and I'll be your annoying employee again.” I said with a wink.

“Hey! I didn't say I don't like it. So, friends?” he asked with a smile.

“Friends” I answered.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Can I court you?”

“What?”

“CAN I COURT YOU?” he said loudly. My officemates began to smirk.

“Oh. Are you willing to wait for my answer?” I said.

“When are you going to answer?” he asked back.

“I am not sure yet. Many things have change. It’s been years and I may not be the one you initially like. You too, you may not be the one I liked before. We’re not the same as we used to,” I said. “But if you cannot wait, then don’t. I am not asking you to wait until I give you my answer. You’re always free to stop your foolishness,” I calmly said.

“ALEYA! This is not foolishness. I should have done this a long time ago but I was such a chicken. I cannot let you go again. I’ve waited all my life just to make this day happen, just to be with you again. It is like a rebirth. A rebirth of our relationship. One more thing, I will wait,” he said seriously. “Besides, you're worth the wait,” he added with a smile.

“Correction, Mr. Hernandez. You and I aren’t together. I just asked you if you’re willing to wait,” I said.

“Oh. Yes. We’re not yet together. But we’ll soon be. We’re destined for each other. It is like you’re my kismet, my fate, my destiny. After so many things that had happened, look, we’re still here,” he said confidently, emphasizing the word yet. “By the way, you know the song of Howie Day?”

“Which one?” I asked

“Collide.”

“What song is that? I haven’t heard that song.”

“Really? Let me sing it for you.”

“Are you serious? You can’t sing!” I said.

“I now can, because of you.”

Stunned.

“Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills my mind

I somehow find

You and I collide”

Our officemates clapped. His voice was like Josh Groban. It was really amazing. I was mesmerized by his voice. How could I never notice it before?

“Oh. You have an awesome voice! You can really sing.”

“But of course,” he proudly said.

“But since when were you singing? You always tell me that you can’t sing back then whenever I ask you to do so.”

“Since the day I realized that I am madly in love with you. I secretly took up singing lessons,” he said shyly.

“You’re cheesy. Do you know that?” I said.

“I am not!” he immediately denied.

“You are,” I jokingly said

“Am not,” he insisted.

“You are.”

“Am not.”

“All right. But you’re childish.”

“Am not. You are.”

“Am not.”

“You are.”

“Whatever Klein. I have to go now. I need to finish my task. It’s due on Friday. Thanks again for your surprise. I really appreciate it,” I said, grabbing my stuff. “Oh, by the way, we’ll see how far you can reach.” I winked.

“Aleya! Wait. Let me take you there.” He ran after me. “One more thing, I’ll reach the finish line no matter what it takes just to be with you again. I don’t want to lose you once more. You are my fate,” he said, smiling at me.

THE END

Confession Countdown

2008-12-08T04:18:00.001-08:00

TEN THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY TO 10 DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT NOW:
1. Sorry

2. Thanks a lot :)

3. You annoy me.

4. I hate what's happening between us righ now.

5. Let's be friends forever, all right?

6. I am very positive about our status right now.

7. What will be your gift to me?

8. I know what you did when you went there XD

9. I love you.

10. I'll pay you tomorrow :)

NINE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I dance

2. I talk a lot.

3. I crack silly jokes

4. I cry when I'm mad/annoyed

5. I love sweets.

6. I hate backbiters

7. I don't/will never smoke.

8. I am camwhore

9. I am serious. XD

EIGHT WAYS TO WIN YOUR HEART:
1. Be sweet with my family and friends

2. Listen to all the things I'm saying, no matter how long or senseless it is.

3. Sing.

4. Make me laugh. ROFL XD

5. Be real.

6. Be honest at all times

7. Smile.

8. Dream with me.

SEVEN THINGS THAT CROSS YOUR MIND A LOT:
1. Will my height increase?

2. What am I going to eat?

3. Is he sleeping already?

4. Will i really become a teacher?

5. Where will I work after graduation?

6. Is he the one?

7. Will my friends now be my friends till the end?

SIX THINGS YOU WANT TO HAPPEN TO YOU BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Buy a house at NZ

2. Finish Master's and Doctorate Degree

3. Have a family with __ and twins

4. Travel around Philippines and the World

5. Write and publish books

6. Make GOD proud

FIVE TURN-OFFS:
1. Bad body odor

2. Wrong grammar

3. Social loafers

4. Insensitive beings

5. Self-centered people

FOUR TURN-ONS:
1. Those who can sing

2. Those who knows how to listen

3. Those who can make me laugh

4. Those who admits his/her mistakes

THREE SMILEYS THAT DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE:
1. :)

2. ^^

3. XD

TWO THINGS YOU WISH YOU NEVER DID:
1. Argue with parents and sisters

2. Do that.

ONE CONFESSION:

1. I am diabetic

Monthly Philosophy

2008-12-08T03:53:00.000-08:00

ang mga sumusunod ay pawang kathang isip at kalokohan lamang.ang maniwala ay mas may topak pa kesa sa gumawa nito XD

JANUARY:

ano ang mangyayari sa pagsusulat o pag-iisip ng new year's resolution kung wala din naman nangyayari? nakakalimutan lang at maaalala lang pag mag-uumpisa ulit ng bagong taon.

FEBRUARY:

oo na. wala nga akong ka-date. hindi naman ako nag-iisa eh XD

MARCH

yes. midterms na. panahon na upang sumipsip sa mga prof XD

APRIL:

oh yeah. bakasyon na. walang gala. walang makakasama. pero ok lang. tambay lang ako sa tindahan namin. dun, maramin makakain. magpapakababoy na ako ng mga buwang ito XD

MAY:

aha aha. birthmonth ko. anu ka?

hindi bali nang tumanda ng isa na namang taon, ang mahalaga eh tumangkad ako XD

pasukan nadin ito. boo.

NEW PROFS.

JUNE:

pasukan para sa iba. isa lang masasabi ko:

MAIKLI MAN ANG BAKASYON NAMIN, THREE YEARS LANG NAMAN ANG IPAG-AARAL KO SA COLLEGE. EH KAYO?? :D

JULY:

ano ba ang meron dito? midterms ba ulit? ang labo ko na naman. ito ang mga panahon ng katamaran. isa lang ulit masasabi ko.

KUNG KAYANG GAWIN NG IBA, EH DI IPAGAWA MO SA KANILA xp

AUGUST:

umaariba na ang pagiging epitome of indolence ko so eto na lang. pampalubag loob

ANG BATANG MASIPAG, PAG LAKI PAGOD xp

isa pa.

ANG BATANG TAMAD PAG LAKI BOSS xp

SEPTEMBER:

ang pinakakaantay kong sembreak. na minsan, tumatapat pa sa friday to sunday. wala naman akong pasok talaga ng mga araw na un. ang daya. ito na lang sasabihin ko.

AANHIN KO ANG ILANG ARAW NA PAHINGA KUNG HINDI NAMAN AKO KUMIKITA NGA PERA???xp [businessminded na oh]

OCTOBER:

hayayay. nakikinita kinita ko na. mas tamad na ako dito mas maraming problema siguro so ito na lang.

SA BAWAT KAPALPAKAN MAY NAKIKINABANG :p

NOVEMBER:

dalaw-dalaw sa mga mahal sa buhay na ksama na ni lord. ito na lang un

NAUNA MAN AT MAGALING, HINDI NA NAMAN NALALASING xp [may hang over pa sa octoberfest]

DECEMBER:

ito ang ayaw ng mga kuripot.[ouch! sapol!]

marami din ang mga nagpapakabaet sa mga panahong ito. bakit? bigayan ng regalo eh.

AANHIN MO ANG MARAMING REGALO KUNG WALA NAMANG NAGMAMAHAL SAYO???

isa pa.

DI BALE NANG WALANG PANG REGALO, ANG MAHALAGA ALAM MO NA MAY NAGMAMAHAL SAYO.

okok. inatake na naman ako ng kalokohan. sympre. i need a break XD

there are no HAPPY ENDINGS

2008-11-22T15:04:00.001-08:00

matapos ang lahat ng mga nangyari. nag-usap na kami. sa FS. mahaba eh. cnclusion: WALA NA TALAGA. kakalimutan na daw niya ako.

oki.sabi ko oki. kalimutan na nga niya ako. tuwing naaalala daw niya ako nasasaktan siya eh. so kalimutan na nga niya ako.isipin na lang niya na gising na siya sa bangungot nabinigay ko sa kanya. gusto kong manisi. gusto kong manumbat. kasi alam ko naman na sa akin din naman lahat babagsak so para saan pa un di ba?

meron unfair pero anong magagawa ko. may kanya kanya kaming takbo ng pag-iisip. ako lang ung naglalabas ng sama ng loob, siya, nakikinig lang. hindi naman ako manghuhula kung anu ung nararamdaman niya. oo, may napapansin ko na kakaiba ung kilos niya pero iba pa rin kung lama mo talaga ung dahilan kung bakit ganoon, di ba?

haaay armine. kalokohan na to. tapusin na nga. sabi niya nga, kung mahal niyo mana ang isat isa pero lumalayo ung isa, wala din naman mangyayari eh. tama. siya. WALANG MANGYAYARI.at WALA NA NGANG MANYAYARI. pero wait. kasalanan ko nga lang ba kung bakit aako nang-iwan? naging makasarili nga ba ako? manhid? hindi ko alam. alam ko hindi niyo din alam kasi hindi naman kayo totally kasali sa amin eh. ako at siya lang ang makakasagot nun. na malamang, hindi na masagot forever.

hindi ko to inaasahan. pero wala eh, sabi nga. EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED. eto na un. punyeta. eto na un kinakatakutan ko. pero wala eh. wala na. hhmm. kalokohan na kung paulit2 kong ibabalog ung mga nararamdaman ko sa bawat ginagawa namin so ito na ung huli. tama na. ang tanga2 ko na masyado eh. sobrang tanga. tama nang ito na ang huling katangahan na gawin ko. besides. SOCIAL SITE ito, hindi DRAMA SITE. dun na lang ako sa isa kong blogsite. kung gusto niyo malaman.PM me. nga pala, baka idelete ko na ung FS ko. para wala na siyang dahilan para iview at mag leave ng message, para wala na din updates. siguro, putulin ko na din ung communication ko sa pinsan niya. para wala na talaga. pero. sabi nga sa the road YOU FORGET WHAT YOU WANT TO REMEMBER AND YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU WANT TO FORGET. totoo to. pero tama na. hindi na pwede.

No Matter What It Takes

2008-11-22T04:04:00.000-08:00

“Why pursue changing the world if you can’t even change yourself? Don’t you know that you should start with yourself since you’re the one who is causing all the problems in our society? Lack of discipline and initiative of the Filipinos are the main reason why we are not successful. I don't think that that kind of approach will be effective. We should try something which is already tested.” I said firmly after a long pause.
“Don't talk like you're perfect. I want our advertisement to be in that way. We are not copycats here. Just do what I said. No buts. Meeting adjourned.” Kevin answered.

That part of the conversation still echoed in my mind. I could not get over it. I could not believe how the Ateneo gave the Suma Cum Laude title to him. His answer was really ridiculous. I hated the way he looked at me; it was like I was a sore loser. I really can’t believe that he is my boss. Of all people, why him? I don’t know what God’s plans are but I really hate His plan on making me work in the same department with him. I strongly believe in karma but I did not know that it would hit me more than I had expected.
As I retreated back to my cubicle, there was only one question running in my mind. “Why on earth am I near again to Mr. Kyle Kenvick “Kevin” Hernandez who caused me too much pain?” I sat on my chair and remembered the past; our past that made me a different from who I used to be when he is around.

We were neighbors before and our parents are the best of friends. At first, we were like cats and dogs, always fighting and mocking each other. But when we set our feet in the high school as freshmen, everything changed. One day, I was alone in the canteen because no one wanted to eat with me. They said that they do not like me because I was such a spoiled brat for it would seem that I had everything I have everything. I could not understand what they were talking about so I just left them. I did not want them to see me crying so I ran as far as I could until I found myself sitting in the old swing at the back of our school. I cried my heart out there until I felt that someone was looking at me. It was Kevin. He was carrying a cone of raspberry ice cream, my favorite ice cream flavor. He looked like he was really worried. His eyes showed that he was bothered with what was happening to me.

“Why are you crying?” Kevin asked me as he walked towards me.
“Oh, something just went into my eyes.” I answered, as I wept my tears.
“Since when did you become a liar?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Come on Armine. I saw what happened at the canteen. I was sitting three rows behind you.”
“Oh.” I sighed.
“Here,” He gave me the ice cream he was holding. “Eat your heart out with your favorite ice cream instead of crying. You look like mad dog.” He said seriously.
“KEVIN!” I shouted. “I do not look like a mad dog and I don’t want your ice cream!”
“Hey Armine, I was just kidding. Just don’t cry again. It makes me sad.” He said.
Puzzled, I stared at him and asked “Sad? But why? Isn’t that you’re always me cry?”
“It is not the same Armine. Look, let’s not talk about this. It’s almost time. Eat this before it melts.”
“All right. Thanks Kevin. Let’s go.”

I was still puzzled on what had happened that day. Kevin was never like that. I just instilled in my mind that Kevin matured because of watching One Tree Hill and The Orange County. At least, we are both happy now. No fights, no yells. As days passed by, we went along well. We sat on the bus next to each other and he fetched me everyday. Well, I thought that everything will run smoothly between the two of us because of the changes that happened but I was wrong.
He did something to me when we were in our senior year. It was our break time and I had to go to the library to do my homework for literacy. Ten minutes before our next subject, I went back to our classroom and put my notebook on my desk. When I opened my bag, I saw a slimy snake crawling on my things. I freaked out, yelled “SNAKE!” and disturbed the whole class. I hate snakes a lot because they make me feel creepy. I was not thinking that our Numeracy teacher is a terror teacher so I just shouted. What can I do? I was shocked. My numeracy teacher got so mad at me for interrupting the class and asked me to go to the discipline’s office immediately and tell the officer-in-charge what I did. I was still shocked as I walked towards the door.
Well, I thought that my bad luck will end there until one of my classmates tripped me that made me fall with my face flat on the floor. Of course, everyone laughed. I stood up and looked at Kevin. He was laughing too. I walked ahead in the corridors with my head raised up and tried to forget my fall. I did not cry because I know that I did not do something wrong. I know that what I did is expected, especially if you have phobia for snakes.
As soon as I entered the discipline’s office, I explain to the officer in charge what really happened. He did not believe me so he called one of my classmates, Kevin. I thought that I will be saved there because he knew that I was in the library but I was wrong again. He said the complete opposite of what happened. I was so shocked that I started to cry. I never though that Kevin would tell such a lie that would hurt me a lot. Because of Kevin’s statement, I was sent to detention. I was so humiliated and furious about what happened. I forgot the snake in my bag but not what Kelly did. It hurt too much which seeing him everyday is unbearable. I thought that we’re friends. I thought we could be more than just friends. Well, I was undeniably wrong.
After what happened, I told my parents that I want to study to another school so they sent me to the one of the finest university in the country. I studied at De La Salle University- Manila and took up Advertising Management. I took this because I have that passion for influencing other people and changing their lifestyles. I grew up in a world of luxury and that made people think that I was like any other rich girls who didn’t know how to live a normal life. Well, they were all wrong. I can do household chores because my parents instilled in my mind that I should not always depend on money since it is not forever. I wanted to influence other people through the means of advertisements. I really admire those commercials that made a difference and people change their lifestyle, especially the Filipinos.
After my graduation, I immediately submitted a résumé to Advertise and Rise Corporation. It is the most prestigious advertising company in the country and is located at the heart of Makati. It has produced many great advertisements and commercials that really clicked. It made all the products very saleable and the models/endorsers famous which made all the producers, businessmen and even politicians ask the company to make them advertisements. I was very determined to get a job from that company and be its boss in the future. I know that this company will help me achieve my dream.
After a lot of interviews and screenings, I got the job I wanted badly, creative assistant. I was really surprised and excited for my first day in my first job. On my first day, I dressed like a yuppie. Of course, I wanted to impress my officemates. After asking the receptionist in the main lobby of Advertise and Rise Corporation where the Creative Department was, I instantly went straight ahead to my floor and looked for Mr. H or Mr. Hernandez.
At first, I thought of Kevin, but I immediately erased it in my mind because as far as I can remember, his family migrated to New Zealand for good because of financial problems. I imagined Mr. H as an old man who wears a hearing aid and uses a cane to support his legs. I giggled as I entered his office. It was an elegant office. It is like what you see in a fashion magazine for houses in Paris. Its interior is very unique but a brilliant one can easily notice that it is the main office because of the products that are carefully displayed on the right side of the office.
“Captivated by my office and you lost your tongue?” said Mr. H while facing the huge window.
I blushed. But I immediately composed myself and answer “No sir. Good Morning Mr. H”
“Good Morning. Sit down”, he answered without turning his back. “What is your name?” he asked after a long pause
“I am Amiela Arineya P. Mercado”
“Your name is too long.”
“You can call me Armine.”
“How old are you?”
“I’m turning 20”
“Where did you graduate?”
“De La Salle University-Manila”
“Ahh. The rival of my school”
“He is from the blue side” I said to myself
“Why are you here?”
“I am here because I want to influence people to change themselves to live in a better place.”
“Are you an activist?”
“No sir. I just have this vision in life that I must promote self-change because of my observations in the current situation in this country”
“Oh, are you Mother Earth?”
“Again, Sir?”
“Nothing. I said, you’re still pretty raspberry ice cream addict.”
I froze. Did he really say raspberry? Is my boss the guy from my past? “Kyle Kenvick Hernandez??”
“Bingo!” he answered as he turned his back. His smile was still enchanting.
“Why on earth are you here?” I retorted.
“Why on earth am I here? It is simply because I am your boss, sweetie. Welcome to Advertise and Rise, your only way to good fortune. Aren’t you happy that we’re together again?” He smilingly said. His eyes were sparkling.
“Happy? Are you kidding me? Come on. Give me a break. Don’t start with me. I had enough of your foolishness. Where is the real Mr. H?”
“Well, he is right in front of you.”
“Oh my goodness.”
“Why? Let me make it up to you.”
“Make up? I will never forget what you did to me. You messed my last year in high school.”
“I know. I am really sorry. If you only knew what is the real reason behind it.”
“Let’s stop this nonsense conversation.”
“But Armine.”
“What do you want me to do Mr. H?”
“Oh. All right then. Go to the Marketing Department and get the new products”
“Okay sir. But where is the Marketing Department?”
“I don’t know. I am pretty sure I did not eat it”
“Thank you Sir”

After leaving the office, I immediately went to the ladies’ room and shouted my heart out. I thought that I will be away from him from the rest of my life since we studied college at different schools and his family migrated to New Zealand. But look how destiny works! We were on the same company. He’s the boss and I’m the employee. Oh no. God save me.

I was really shocked for our first meeting. I could not get over it so I immediately went to the nearest FIC ice cream parlor and bought a two scoop raspberry ice cream. It’s my comfort food. Eating it made me calm and somehow forgot my problem. It helped me avoid my uneasiness. But this one, I said to myself, is impossible to escape. I am working under the man I loathe the most. How can I do my job if I know that he’s always there? If I see him, I always remember the day he said that I made everything about the snake in my bag. Goodness. He made me look like a smart liar which is not true.

I cannot believe he did that again to me in the meeting, making me look stupid. I was just suggesting and telling my opinions. It’s been a month but I cannot still get over his egoistic personality. I was thinking that he was just taking things too personal since our first meeting. The way he told me my first assignment is really annoying. His tone is really sarcastic. I hated it. My first assignment was to go around Quezon City and observe how people deal with change in weather. I should have left 30 minutes ago but because of that arrogant Kevin, I stayed in my cubicle. Now, I’ll be caught in the traffic. Those made me worry because I am not familiar with Quezon City. I am a Makati girl. It was a good thing that there are a lot of maps available at the bookstores. I said to myself that it will be easy for me to move around because I will bring my own car. But still, I felt nervous since my sense of direction is hopeless. I prayed to God to guide me.
I was busy fixing the things I need to get the job done fast and correctly since I was so late. I wanted to get out of that office as soon as possible. I did not want to be under the sun all day and see my great boss. I was so preoccupied in checking my stuff that I did not mind to look where I am going. Suddenly, I bumped into someone. My things flew in the air like seagulls in the shore and I fell on the floor like a thrown sack of potatoes. Still shocked, I stood up and picked my things. It was a very embarrassing moment but I have to do my work. I had to meet my deadlines.

“I'm sorry.” I said as I fixed my things.
“Next time, look where you are going” the person said.
Goodness. It's Kevin, my boss!
“Sorry sir.” I said.
“No.” He said flatly.
“Sir. I did not mean it. I did not see you. I was busy fixing my things.” I sincerely said.
“Stop telling alibis. You cannot tell those to our clients.” he said angrily.
“Oh. All right sir. I'm sorry.” I thought he will send me out of the department and yell at me but I was wrong.
“Come on. Let's go to your location. I'll give you a hitch.” He finally said after a long pause and stare.
“No thanks sir. I can manage.” I said.
“That's an order.”

I could not refuse. He's my boss. His orders should be followed. I want my job. I do not want to lose it. Besides, what happened between him and I should not be brought in the workplace. It's very unprofessional. During that moment, I dealt with him, no matter how painful it is to sit in his BMW’s passenger seat.
“What are you thinking?” He asked. He is looking at the road.
“Nothing.” I said flatly.
“Come on. You're so quiet. Tell me what you're thinking.” He insisted.
“I am thinking of people.” I said in a monotone.
“What about people? Is there someone bothering you?” He asked. He looked bothered as I glanced at him.
“Why on Earth are they here if all they do is ruin the world?”
“You’re making me laugh again.” He chuckled.
“Look, I’m serious. I wonder why they are complaining about the issues around them knowing the fact that they are the ones who made it possible.”
“You’re so preoccupied with your first assignment. Give yourself a break. Working too much is deadly. Let’s have an ice cream. I know a very good place at QC.” He gladly said. His eyes on the road.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“What?” He asked back.
“Why do you act like that? When we’re in the office you’re so cold, and now, you’re another person.” I mumbled.
“You just can’t see the real me. You’re too anxious with what I did to you which makes you forget to see me, way back when we’re still young.” He answered quietly..
“Things changed. How can I see you if you’re not the real Kevin? You see, you hurt me a lot. I don’t know what I did to you for you to do that to me. It may seem to you that I am so childish but you broke my trust!” I raised my voice. My cheeks reddened.
“Will you listen if I’ll explain everything to you?” He asked softly.
I nodded.
“My parents told me to do something to you to make you feel miserable. They want to take revenge over your family. They told me that your father stole our money that made them decide to go to New Zealand and live there for good. I was so you and believed their story. Everything that happened to you, from the moment you saw a snake in your bag until the moment the discipline officer called me to tell the story, is smoothly planned by my parents since i told them every single detail about you when we were in school.” He explained. His voice was like he will cry anytime soon.
“What???? That’s absurd! My father is a great man! He will not do something like that! How could you parents say that? And how could you believe that stupid lie? I thought you’re such an intelligent man and you’ve proven me wrong!” I shouted after a long pause. “What you have said was unbelievable. I knew that my parents will not do that. They’re too good. They’re like heaven sent. Our helpers can justify it.” I said impatiently. His accusations were too much.
“I know. I'm really sorry. I only knew the truth when we're already at New Zealand. They told me that they did that because they do not want to lose me. That whenever I'm with you, they're threatened that you will take me away from them. They are afraid of losing their only child. I am sorry Armine. I know I hurt you a lot. I am really sorry. Will you please forgive me?”
“I don’t know what to say. I know, it’s been five years but the pain is still there. Of all people, why do you have to hurt me like that? After what you have told me. I don’t know if I can still work with you. I trust you a lot. I can forgive you but I can never forget what you did.”
“All right. But please, don’t resign. I know you love your job. That’s your way to reach your dream.” He said. He looked like he was going to cry.
“Will you please stop the car? I want to go home now. I will just do my activity tomorrow. And please, stop thinking about I leaving my job. I am not the kind of person who runs away from problems. I am not like other people here.” I said sarcastically.
“Let me take you home. I know you don’t know this place. I don’t want you to be harmed.”
“Don’t worry. It is nothing compared the pain you’ve caused me.” I muttered
“All right.” He drove quietly and swiftly.

103. As I entered my pad, I felt so helpless. I didn’t know what to do now. His revelations stressed me too much. Even a gallon of raspberry ice cream cannot help. I was confused. I did not know how and what I will react. I was torn between two opposite feelings, love and hate. I knew that it seems impossible but it’s happening to me. I wanted to go away and escape but I wanted to be near him. I wanted to see his angelic face, smell his scent, hear his very manly voice and most of all; be near him. I was desperate to be with him but whenever I see him; I remember what he did to me. If people will know the reason why I am so mad at him, they will probably laugh at me and say that I am too sensitive.

104. For quite some time now, I thought that I am sensitive. He asked for apology already but still, I cannot forget what he did. I could not resign. I knew that done are the days that I ran away from my problems. Facing reality is the only solution that ran in my mind, escaping is a big no-no. Living life with grudge over someone made me feel miserable and unhappy. So I said to myself that I will forget everything. I knew that it will be hard but I have to deal with it. I must deal with it, no matter how painful will it be.

III

105. After the incident, I have not seen Kevin in the office. I asked her secretary where he was because of my assignment but she said that Kevin is on leave. I thought that it was my fault but then I realized that I did nothing but tell him what I feel. I could not help peek into his office but weeks have passed and there was no Kevin in sight. I just assumed that he will be back after a month or two because of a special project.

106. One morning, I thought that I went to a different floor. The usual messy and noisy floor was so serene and clean that one can even meditate. I was curious. What happened to my department? Did they made some changes and I was not informed? I entered our office. It was more shocking. It was so dark. It was very suspicious looking since the Creative Department needs light. They can never start and finish their product if there is no light.

107. As I switched on the light, the cubicles were neatly arranged and the file cabinets were closed. And my officemates, they were so decent-looking. No one is wearing jeans and slippers. That was what I want to have as a workplace. That was what I imagined; all of my officemates will wear the proper attire. I tried to convince them before but they all disagreed. They said that they were in the “CREATIVE” department, not in the formal office. I was irritated of course but what can I do, I cannot tell them do’s and don’ts. I knew what my position in the department was. But now, all of them looked very professional. As I went near them, they were staring at me. It was very unusual since they don’t waste time staring at someone. Time is precious, as they say always. They were all busy doing their respective assignments. I became conscious because of their stares. Was my dress out of the new rules? Did I have something on my face? All kinds of thoughts ran in my mind then suddenly, Kevin’s secretary handed me a bouquet of tulips and a card. Surprised, I opened the letter and cried. It's written there “This is what you want our world to be, right? I'm giving way for your dreams. Love, Kevin”

108. “Where's Kevin?” I asked the secretary.

109. “I don't know where exactly he is. He left the moment you arrived.” She said.

110. “All right. Thank you.” I said while I ran towards the door. I can't let him go without saying my gratitude. I have to thank him.

111. “Where do you think are you going?” Someone from my back I asked. The voice was very familiar.

112. “Won't you thank me? Or give me a hug and kiss?” He asked jokingly.

113. I turned around and saw him standing beside the door. “Oh. Thank you.” I said with a smile

114. “That's all?” He asked again.

115. “Yes.” I answered.

116. “Are you still mad at me?” He asked as he walked towards me.

117. “Actually, No. I have realized that I am being too childish. I should forget it. It's been ages ago, you know. And like what the famous line in The Road by Cormac McCarthy, what you want to forget you remember and what you want to remember you forget. I guess, that’s real. It is happening to me. But I will try to make it unreal. I cannot live life like that.”

118. “Really??”

119. “Yes. But if you do not want it just say so and I'll be your annoying employee again.” I said with a wink.

120. “Hey! I didn't say I don't like it. So, friends?” He asked with a smile.

121. “Friends” I answered.

122. “Can I ask you something?”

123. “Sure, what is it?”

124. “Can I court you?”

125. “What?”

126. “CAN I COURT YOU?” He said loudly. My officemates began to smirk.

127. “Uh. Are you willing to wait for my answer?” I said.

128. “When are you going to answer?” He protested with a smile.

129. “I am not sure yet. Many things change. It’s been years and I may not be the one you initially like. You too, you may not be the one I liked before. We’re not the same as we used to.” I said. “But if you cannot wait, then don’t. I am not asking you to wait until 100 days. You’re always free to stop your foolishness.” I calmly said.

130. “ARMINE! It is not foolishness. I should have done this long time ago but I was such a chicken. I cannot let you go again. I’ve waited all my life just to make this day happen, just to be with you again. It is like a rebirth. A rebirth of our relationship. One more thing, I will wait.” He said seriously. “Besides, you're worth the wait.” He added with a smile.

131. “Correction Mr. Hernandez. You and I aren’t together. I just asked you if you’re willing to wait.” I said.

132. “Oh. Yes. We’re not yet together. But we’ll soon be. We’re destined for each other. After so many things that had happened, look, we’re still here.” He said confidently, emphasizing the word yet.

133. “You’re cheesy. Do you know that?” I said.

134. “I am not!” he immediately denied.

135. “You are.” I jokingly said

136. “Am not” He insisted.

137. “You are.”

138. “Am not.”

139. “Whatever Kevin. I have to go now. I need to finish my task. It’s due on Friday. Thanks again for your surprise.” I said, grabbing my stuff. “Oh, by the way, we’ll see how far you can reach.” I winked.

140. “Wait. Let me take you there.” He ran after me. “I’ll reach the finish line with you. No matter what it takes.” He said, smiling at me.

THE END

It's over

2008-11-21T18:52:00.000-08:00

i am really stupid. i am god damned stupid. damn it.

after what i did. after what happened. i just realized that i really can't let him go. i can live without him but it would be better if he's around. i am not dependent to him but it is not the same without him.

this is because of my impulsiveness. miscommunication. if only we talked. hay.

stupid armine.

i love him. i lost him. i know he will not come back anymore. i know he wouldn't. he's tired. he has been hurt many times. catstrophe's too much.. i should have known. darn. i lost the guy i really want to be with.

i tried to replace him but it's really him. he is irreplaceable. no matter how hard i try. it's him that i choose. it's him that i want. i love him so much. i really do. shit min. this is the end. i cannot ask him to come back. i tried earlier but he did not respond. it only means one thing. it's over. it's really over. damn it. well. no one's to be blame but me. i gave up. i gave up on us and now i'm regretting things. goddamnit. my temper got me into trouble.

this is too much. i wanted to move on but i can't i dare not to. i wouldn't.

but.

I HAVE TO.

HAIL TO SINGLEHOOD :)

2008-11-17T04:48:00.000-08:00

and it's officially over.

yes, guys and girls. we're over. it happened a while ago.

we both knew that there's something wrong. and we both agreed that the only solution to that problem is letting go. we both could not feel the love we shared before. there's still pain. but it's because i lost a very special friend. i am not hurt because of the broken "thing". he is special. but i know that he'll leave for good. but what can i do? i just cannot pretend that's everything is ok when i really know that it is not.

well, i accept the fact that we're over. we're not meant to be. i'm not bitter. i know that what i did is for the both of us. or, only for me. but whatever they say, as long as i'm true to what i feel, i'll do it.

for now, i'll enjoy my college life. :)

Open Letter

2008-11-16T21:31:00.000-08:00

DEAR V,

hindi ko alam kung paano sisimulan to. ang hirap eh. uhm,. gusto ko lang magpasalamat sa lahat ng nagawa mo para sa akin. ang korni no? pero seryoso. maraming salamat. sa mga panahon na kailangan kong makakausap at makakasama eh andun ka. ung mapaglalabasan ko ng galit at sama ng loob, ikaw ang sumasalo nun. maraming salamat ha? ito yung 2nd part nung naudlot natin relasyon nung thirdyear tayo. pero mukhang hindi na talaga pwede. marami nang nagbago eh. marami nang hindi na ganun kagandang pangayayari. katangahan pa kung itutuloy, di ba? mabuti nang tigilan na. hihi,. ang drama ko na naman hihihi. nyah. gusto ko lang na wala akong pinagsisisihan sa mga nangyari sa atin. masaya ako kasi kahit paano, nakasama ulit kita. nagshare tayo ng moments. thanks a bunch!

let's end everything as friends, cause we started it as friends

SMILE,

Move it!

2008-11-16T21:25:00.000-08:00

it's been a while. here i go again, babble :)

PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE- Peyton Sawyer

I totally agree with that. Nothing is permanent, and so are people. They leave. They say promises but they always break it. At first, they'll deny it but their actions will show what they really mean. Actually, I'm currently experiencing this dilemma. But luckily, I'm coping with it. With friends like mine, why bother thinking of a guy who can't keep his word? Living life with an optimistic mood is suggestion, why not follow it? Because eventually, after every pain, there's happiness. :)

help me FINISH this one

2008-11-02T05:22:00.000-08:00

“Why pursue changing the world if you can’t even change yourself?” I asked
“If the world will change, I will cope with those changes and be someone else.” Kevin answered.

That part of the conversation still echoed in my mind. I cannot get over it. I cannot believe how the Ateneo gave the Suma Cum Laude title to him. He is so narrow-minded. His answer was really ridiculous. I hate the way he looked at me; it was like I was a sore loser. I’m not being arrogant but he is nothing compared to me. He may be stunning but he is really arrogant. He only likes flirting with our other officemates and passing his errands to his secretary. I really can’t believe that he is my boss. Of all people, why him? I don’t know what God’s plans are but I really hate His plan of me having the same department with him. I strongly believe in karma but I do not know that it hits more than what you expect.

As I retreated back to my office, there’s only one question running in my mind. “Why on earth am I near again to Mr. Kyle Kenvick “Kevin” Hernandez who caused me too much pain?” I sat on my chair and remembered the past; our past that made me a different from who I used to be when he is around. We were neighbors before and our parents are the best of friends. Well, they thought that the two of us will be best of friends too so they kept on “locking” us in a party where the only guests are just him and I. At first, we were like cats and dogs, always fighting and mocking each other. But when we set our feet in the school as freshmen, everything changed. I was alone in the canteen because no one wanted to eat with me. They said that they do not like me because I was such a spoiled brat as I have everything. I could not understand what they were talking about so I just left them. I did not want them to see me crying because I said to Kevin, that I will never cry in front of many people, especially your enemies. I ran as far as I could until I found myself sitting in the old swing at the back of our school. I cried my heart out there until I felt that someone was looking at me. It was Kevin. He was carrying a cone of raspberry ice cream, my favorite ice cream flavor. He looked like he was really worried. His eyes showed that he was bothered on what is happening with me.

“Why are you crying?” Kelly asked me as he walked towards me.
“Oh, something just went into my eyes.” I answered, as I wept my tears.
“Since when did you become a liar?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Come on Armine. I saw what happened at the canteen. I was sitting three rows behind you.”
“Oh.” I sighed.
“Here,” He let me get the ice cream. “Eat your heart out with your favorite ice cream instead of crying. You look like mad dog.” He said seriously.
“KEVIN!” I shouted. “I do not look like a mad dog and I don’t want your ice cream!”
“Hey Armine, I was just kidding. Just don’t cry again. It makes me sad.” He said.
Puzzled, I stared at him and asked “Sad? But why? Isn’t that you’re always me cry?”
“It is not the same Armine. Look, let’s not talk about this. It’s almost time. Eat this before it melts.”
“All right. Thanks Kevin. Let’s go.”

I was still puzzled on what had happened that day. Kevin was never like that. I just instilled in my mind that Kevin matured because of watching One Tree Hill and The Orange County. At least, we are both happy now. No fights, no yells. As days passed by, we went along well. We sat on the bus next to each other and he fetched me everyday. Well, I thought that everything will run smoothly between the two of us because of the changes that happened but I was wrong. He did something me when we were in the ninth grade. It was our break time and I had to go to the library to do my homework for literacy. Ten minutes before our next subject, I went back to our classroom and put my notebook on my desk. When I opened my bag, I saw a slimy snake crawling on my things. I freaked out, yelled “SNAKE!” and disturbed the whole class. I hate snakes a lot because they make me feel creepy. I was not thinking that our Numeracy teacher is a terror teacher so I just shouted. What can I do? I was shocked. My numeracy teacher got so mad at me for interrupting the class and asked me to go to the discipline’s office immediately and tell the officer-in-charge what I did. I was still shook up as I walked towards the door. Well, I thought that my bad luck will end there until one of my classmates tripped me that made me fall with my face flat on the floor. Of course, everyone laughed. I stood up and looked at Kelly. He is laughing too. I walked ahead in the corridors with my head raised up and tried to forget my fall. I did not cry because I know that I did not do something wrong. I know that what I did is expected, especially if you have phobia for snakes. As soon as I entered the discipline’s office, I explain to the officer in charge what really happened. He did not believe me so he called on of my classmates, Kevin. I thought that I will be saved there because he knew that I was in the library but I was wrong again. He said the complete opposite of what happened. I was so shocked that I started to cry. I never though that Kevin would tell such a lie that will hurt me a lot. Because of Kevin’s statement, I was sent to the detention. I was so humiliated and furious about what happened. I forgot the snake in my bag but not what Kelly did. It hurt too much which seeing him everyday is unbearable.

After what happened, I asked my parents to transfer to a new place, far away from Kevin. They hesitated at first because there were a lot of memories in our home but I insisted. If they do not want to move, then I will. They just have to give me one of our penthouses in the Metro. My mother was so disturbed about that so she was the one who continued asking my father to move. I am there only child so letting me go was never easy. My parents argued about it everyday so I just asked them to enroll me at a different school from Kevin. I can’t afford to see them fight because of me. Both looked relief after that decision so they immediately fixed my application form and stuff. They will do everything for their little lady, that’s how much they love me.

I studied at De La Salle University- Manila and took up Advertising Management. I took this because I have that passion for influencing other people and making their lifestyle changed. I grew up in a world of luxury and that made people think that I was like any other rich girls who don’t know how to live a normal life. Well, they were all wrong. I can do household chores because my parents instill in my mind that I should not always depend on money since it is not forever. I want to influence other people through the means of advertisements. I really admire those commercials that made a difference and people change their lifestyle, especially the Filipinos.

As usual, my parents disagreed when I told them that I will look for a job in Makati. They wanted me to take over our business since I am their only child and my degree can help our company to grow more. They assured me will immediately give me a high position so that I will not have a hard time. But I told them that there is someone who is more deserving than I am; that that position should be given to someone who needs a job and can really perform the job. At first, my father got annoyed because he was telling me that they are making my life easier for me yet I was making it complicated. I was hurt but I know that my father was more hurt than I am so I approached him after a few days. I cannot afford to make my father upset because of me for a long time. I only want him and my mother happy. Again, I have to explain to him why I do not want to work in our company.

“Dad.” I said as I entered his office in our house
No response.
“I know you’re upset because I turn your offer down. But please, try talk to me. You know that I do not want you to be sad. It breaks my heart.”
No response.
“Daddy, I want to face the corporate world on my own. I do not want get my first job as easy as 1-2-3. I know I am equipped with all your advices and the things I learned when I was in college. I know I am ready to face the challenges. Please dad, trust me. I will not do something that will make you and mom upset. You raised me up in a good way. I know you just want the best for me but let me do the work this time. And besides, there is someone out there who needs that job.”
“Do you really want that freedom?” He finally asked
“I am not asking for freedom. I am asking for your consent and forgiveness”
No response.
“All right. I’ll go now. I’m sorry dad.”
“You are really like your mother.”
“Dad?” puzzled
“From the looks to personality, you are really her junior. You do things that you really want to do.” He said
Surprised
“All right Armine. Make a résumé for Advertise and Rise Corporation. I heard that they are looking for fresh graduates for fresh ideas.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“Of course not. Won’t you give me a hug?”
“Oh daddy! I really love you! Thanks a lot pop!” I hugged him tightly.
“No big deal sweetie. Only happiness for my one and only angel. By the way, there’s a gallon of raspberry ice cream in your refrigerator. I bought it from FIC just for you.” Smiling.
“Dad. You’re the best!” I shouted as I go to my room to eat my raspberry ice cream.

After my father’s approval, I immediately made a résumé for Advertise and Rise Corporation. It is the most prestigious advertising company in the country. It has produced many great advertisements and commercials that really clicked. It made all the products very saleable and the models/endorsers famous which made all the producers, businessmen and even politicians ask the company to make them an advertisement. I am very determined to get a job from that company and be its boss in the future. I know that this company will help me achieve my dream.

After a lot of interviews and screenings, I got a job. I was really surprised and excited for my first day in my first job. On my first day, I dressed like a yuppie. Of course, I want to impress my officemates. After asking the receptionist in the main lobby of Advertise and Rise Corporation where is the Creative Department, I instantly went straight ahead to my floor and look for Mr. H or Mr. Hernandez. At first, I thought of Kevin, but I immediately erased it in my mind because as far as I can remember, his family migrated to New Zealand for good because of financial problems. I imagined Mr. H as an old man who wears a hearing aid and uses a cane to support his legs. I giggled as I enter his office. It is an elegant office. It is like what you see in a fashion magazine for houses in Paris. Its interior is very unique but a brilliant one can easily notice that it is the main office because of the products that are carefully displayed on the right side of the office.

“Captivated by my office and you lost your tongue?” said Mr. H while facing the huge window.
I blushed. But I immediately composed myself and answer “No sir. Good Morning Mr. H”
“Good Morning. Sit down”, he answered without turning his back. “What is your name?” he asked after a long pause
“I am Amiela Arineya P. Mercado”
“Your name is too long.”
“You can call me Armine.”
“How old are you?”
“I’m turning 20”
“Where did you graduate?”
“De La Salle University-Manila”
“Ahh. The rival of my school”
“He is from the blue side” I said to myself
“Why are you here?”
“I am here because I want to influence people to change themselves to live in a better place.”
“Are you an activist?”
“No sir. I have just vision in life that I must promote self-change because of my observations in the current situation in this country”
“Oh, are you Mother Earth?”
“Again, Sir?”
“Nothing. I said, you’re still pretty raspberry ice cream addict.”
I froze. Did he really say raspberry? Is my boss the guy from my past? “Kyle Kenvick Hernandez??”
“Bingo!” he answered as he turns his back. His smile is still enchanting.
“Why on earth are you here?” I retorted.
“Why on earth am I here? It is simply because I am your boss, sweetie. Welcome to Advertise and Rise, your only way to good fortune. Aren’t you happy that we’re together again?”
“Happy? Are you kidding me? Come on. Give me a break. Don’t start with me. I had enough of your foolishness. Where is the real Mr. H?”
“Well, he is right in front of you.”
“Oh my goodness.”
“Why? Let me make it up to you.”
“Make up? I will never forget what you did to me. You messed my last year in high school”
“I know. I am really sorry. If you only knew what is the real reason behind it.”
“Let’s stop this nonsense conversation.”
“But Armine.”
“What do you want me to do Mr. H?”
“Oh. Alright then. Go to the Marketing Department and get the new products”
“Okay sir. But where is the Marketing Department?”
“I don’t know. I am pretty sure I did not eat it”
“Thank you Sir”

After leaving the office, I immediately went to the ladies’ room and shout my heart out. I thought that I will be away from him from the rest of my life since we studied college at different schools and his family migrated to New Zealand. But look how destiny works! We are on the same company. He’s my boss and I am his employee. Oh no. God save me.

I am really shocked for our first meeting. I cannot get over it so I immediately go to the nearest FIC ice cream parlor and bought a two scoop raspberry ice cream. It’s my comfort food. Eating it makes me calm and somehow forgets my problem. It helps me avoid my uneasiness. But this one is impossible to escape. I am working under the man I loathe the most. How can I do my job if I know that he’s always there? If I see him, I always remember the day he said that I made everything about the snake in my bag. Goodness. He made me look like a smart liar which is not true.

What happened still haunts me, even in my dreams. Maybe because it is my so-called guy of my dreams ruined my so-called perfect future. But hey, I should stop thinking about my past. I shall focus on the present, it’s a gift. Now, I have to face it. Kevin is my boss. I have to deal with it. I will not let him ruin my plans again. But for now, I will enjoy my ice cream. Too much thinking of Kevin stresses me out. And it ruins my ice cream mood.

After my interesting first day at work, I started conceptualizing. I want my ideas to be put on advertisements. I waited all my life for this.

BobOng's Advice

2008-10-26T17:07:00.000-07:00

Pinagsama-samang nakakatuwa ngunit malaman na mga salita ni Bob Ong tungkol sa nakakalito pero ang tanging nagbibigay claro sa buhay, PAGIBIG.

1. "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."

2. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."

3. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

4. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

5. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan yung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

6. "Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din."

7. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

8. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

9. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang."

10. "Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una."

11. "Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

12. "Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totoong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka."

13. "Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."

14. "Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya."

15. "Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala”

17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan”

18. "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

19. "Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakatakot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka.."

20. "Lahat naman ng tao sumeseryoso pag tinamaan ng pagmamahal. Yun nga lang, hindi lahat matibay para sa temptasyon."

21. "Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang taong malapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

22. "Bakit ba ayaw matulog ng mga bata sa tanghali? alam ba nilang pag natuto silang umibig eh hindi na sila makakatulog kahit gusto nila?

23. "Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka."

24. "Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sa iyo kahit na pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin ang araw na sakit na lang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo."

nakanangtuts! GANAN ang mga banat :P

SIGNS

2008-10-20T04:47:00.000-07:00

hell. simula kagabi, badtrip na ako. sino ba naman ang hindi mababadtrip. makikipagayos ka tapos ung kausap mo sana, hindi ka man lang pinapansin. ang napapansin lang, ung pagkakamali mo. ung mga ayaw niya sayo. great. buti pa un nakikita niya di ba. naiirita talaga ako kagabi pa lang. sabi ko "wala na talaga."

tapos kaninang umaga, ang weird. sabi ko la ng chance. aba naman ang tshirt ko. "THERE WILL ALWAYS BE CHANCES".nakanang. nananadya ba yan? isa pa. papunta ko kina shai sa lib, sabi ko hindi ko na ikukwento kung anu man ung nangyari nung may tumawag sa akin. aba, biglang may nagtext. si anu. kamusta daw. well. hindi ako ok. pero hindi ko na nireplayan. mainit ulo ko. pero aminado. napangiti naman ako. direct text un from THERE. at hindi naman un talagang nagtetext eh. minsanan lang. uhm hindi. BIHIRA. 2nd text lang niya un sa akin eh. un na. kinuwento ko yan kay mar. sabi niya, signs daw. sabi ko, nyak. sabi ko na lang, isang unique na mangyayari sa akin, signs nga un. aba, ang weeeeeeeird. nung pauwi na ako ng batangas, may RAINBOW. what the???!! rainbow eh hindi naman umulan. o hindi ko lang napansin. ang weird talaga kasi ang dilim tapos ung araw parang nagpapacute pa kasi kalat ung sinag siya.

soo. ayun na nga. may nakita akong weird. una SHIRT, then ung TEXT tapos un RAINBOW. anu naman ngayon? sa totoo lang, ewan ko. bahala na si batman. basta nafifeel ko ung nararamdaman ng friend ko ngayon. malaking porsyento nun love ung nawala. as in. kung date 100++%, ngayon, around 30% na lang. nyah. sinukat? nako. echos lang yan. pampahaba ng entry nato. :P

this will be the last.

2008-10-19T14:53:00.000-07:00

bakit ganun. ako ung nagpaphirap pero ako ung nahihirapan? nalilito na ako sa sitwasyon ngayon ah. grabe na. kagabi nga, naisip ko. bakit ganun. ang dmai niya atang reklamo sa ugali ko. ako ba, nagreklamo na sa ugali niya????

hindi ko masagot kasi makaklimutin ako. pero kung hindi ako nagkakamali, hindi. bakit? tanggap ko naman kasi kung sino at ano siya. pakialam ko sa bad side niya. in time naman eh babaguhin niya un eh. para din sa sarili niya.

sya kaya? siguro sasabihin niya kaya ganun kasi nahihirapan siya tuwing nagagalit ako. well. ako din. energy consuming un. ako ung nagagalit. sa kanya nagagalit. pero hindi nya kaya. anu ba naman to? gulo na naman pero hindi maayos.

bakit? ung isang involve kasi, ayaw ayusin.

layo. layo. layo.

iwas. iwas. iwas.

habol. habol. habol.

takbo. takbo. takbo.

paano nga naman ba maaayos un ha? wala eh. haynako. ito na ang huling drama blog ko.

sabi nga tot. kung layo, layo. kung break, break. bakit mo hahabuliin ang taong tumatakbo palayo sayo? siguro nga tama sya.

sabi naman ni bane. his loss. he blew it again. siguro nga tama siya.

ung sinabi ko kaya. "mahal ko siya eh", kailan magiging tama?

blur

2008-10-19T02:45:00.001-07:00

malabo si armine joy p. lantin.
mas malabo pa kay kevin brian c. yumang.

anak ng.

2008-10-19T02:34:00.000-07:00

nakakainis naman talaga oh. anak ng patola. sa lahat ng ayaw ko eh pinapakialaman ung ginagawa ko. pakialaman pag sinabi ko, pag nagpatulong ako. pag sinabi ko na "ikaw na bahala". aba naman. hindi eh. tapos ikaw pa ang masisisi sa bandang huli. kesyo hindi nagkusa. aba naman. ginagawa ko tapos biglang pakikialamanan. sino ang matutuwa dun? may kanya-kanya tayong diskarte. magrespaetuhan na lang. ahah naman talaga.. ganitong nalilito pa rin ako sa MLA eh. tapos inaantok pa ako. tapos may problema pa with m. nakoooo ah. isa mo pa at masasagot na kita.

if you have too much PRIDE..

2008-10-18T19:29:00.000-07:00

PRIDE sucks because when you have it..

- you always don't want to be the first to do the step to be with someone

- you always try to hide your feelings

- you don't want others to know that you're hurt

- you are afraidof letting someone know s/he's special

- you are afraid of losing someone but also afraid to show it.

- you are afraid to love someone whom you think can't love you back

- you are so aware of what others think that you can't do what you want.

- you are not happy

- you lose everything without even trying to have it.

sumusuko na ako.

2008-10-18T17:19:00.000-07:00

ako na ung kusang lalayo ngayon. eto naman ung gusto niya eh. nahihirapan na akong ipilit pa ung sarili ko na maayos pa ang lahat. nega na kung nega pero wala eh. tama ang ilang ulit ng "kaya ko". hindi na tama eh. ako ang may kailangan ngayon ng space. hindi na kaya ng utak ko to. sumusuko na ako.

handa na ako.

2008-10-18T17:08:00.000-07:00

hay. ang hirap. ang sakit. hindi ko na maintindihan ang mga nangyayari. alam ko naman sa sarili ko na marami talaga akong nasasabi pag galit ako. minsan totoo, minsan o.a na,. kaya nga pag galit ako eh nananahimik lang ako. nagpapalipas ng kung anu mang hangin meron sa utak ko. sympre. ayaw ko naman masabak sa gulo. masyado na akong busy sa acads para naman sa bagong mga issue. haaay. pero kay kevin, hindi. hindi naman kasi ako naglilihim sa kanya eh. pag nagtatanong sya, sinasagot ko agad ng diretso. kaya ayun, nagkakagulo na. haaay. hindi ko na alam ung mangyayari sa amin. sweet now, mad later ung drama namin.haaay. napapagod na din naman ako. ang gulo na eh. ibinigay ko na sa kanya ung paglayo. sya naman ung lumalapit ngayon. nagpapaliwanag siya, nagpapaliwanag din ako. nagkataon na iba ung gusto namin. pinagbigayn pa rin naman namin, tapos. eto na nga. wala na nga siguro talaga. bakit ba ipipilit ang isang bagay na pareho naman kayong nasasaktan? baka sakaling mauwi sa maganda ang lahat? hindi ko alam. ang alam ko ngayon, handa ko nang isuko ang lahat.

if you CAN'T, then DON'T.

2008-10-18T05:50:00.001-07:00

kung hindi mo kaya, wag mo nang pilitin. naiintindihan ko naman kung natatagalan ka sa 150 days na hinhingi ko sayo. wala eh. hindi ko naman sinasadya na nabawasan ung love. hindi ko din naman ginusto na unti-unti tayong magkagulo. alam ko naman na kasalan ko din naman kung bakit nagkaganun. kaya nga di ba, humihingi ako sayo ng oras at panahon. sabi ko nga, ayokong magmadali. mahirap na eh. ayokong magsisi sa bandang huli. nagiging maingat lang ako. mahirap na eh. gaya nga ng sabi ko, kung di mo na kaya, wag na. kung hanggang magkaibigan na lang nga tayo eh. anong magagwa natin? wala eh. sige.

BEST 17 Ever!

2008-10-17T16:08:00.000-07:00

kahapon ng umaga, napagusapan namin ni mebs na tatawag siya. napasok un kasi nga sabi ko nakapagmiscall ako sa kanya. direct call un ah, wala echos. so sabi niya, TRY niya. gaya nga nung nasa unang blog, akala ko wala lang sa akin kung tatawag siya o hindi. aba, kinilig ako ah :D

ganito, naka isang missed call na pala siya. usapan kasi eh mga 930. ang kaso, 920 tulog na ako. buti na lang sinunod ko ung instinct ko na hawakan ko ung phone. kahit paano kasi eh umaasa nga ako na tatawag nga siya. aba. buti na lang talaga at naalimpungatan ako. aun, nasagot ko tawag niya :DD

nung una nga akala ko kung sino. pero nakita ko ung "FiREFLY" at picture niya eh. di ba lumalabas ung pag may natawag sayo? so aun na nga. mula sa bagong gising eh nagising na nga ako ng tuluyan. grabe. NAMISSSSSSSSS ko ung ganun usapan. as usual, kulitan na naman kami. yabangan, kwentuhan. tapos, gaya ng dati, pinakanta ko siya. ung COLLiDE. yiheeee. wala naman siyang magagawa kung hindi ang kumanta lang eh. hihiih. kumanta din naman ako sa kanya. tatlo ata. wala eh. siya lang kinakantahan ko. alam ko kasi na hindi niya ako
pagtatawanan. ganun din naman sa kanya. seryoso akong nakinig kahapon eh. kinikilig eh. natutuwa kasi kausap ko ulit siya. :DD

nakakatawa nga eh, pinaguusapan namin kung paano na ung bill. pareho daw kaming dapat pagalitan para FAiR. ang galing namin nu? hihihi. haaay. sulit ung 1 hour and 34 minutes namin na pag-uusap. un nga lang, bitin. :((

hayayayya. MISSSSSSSSS ko na talaga sya. tagal pa ng uwi niya eh. pero oki lang. maghihintay ako :D natutuwa talaga ako dun sa tawag na un. dun mu mapapatunayan na walang nagbago sa inyo. well, sa amin, tingin ko naman eh wala. physically oo, pero ung pakikitungo. ganun pa din. may onting problema nga lang na untiunti namin inaayos. ika nga, SLOWLY but SURELY :P

haaaaaay. miss ko na talaga mebs. pero oki lang, at least, nakausap ko siya nga mataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagal :) masaya na ako dun. kahit di kami nagbatian kahapon, alam ko na na alam na niya :P

another broken promise.

2008-10-17T03:31:00.000-07:00

okay. today is 17. our thirty-first month anniversary. great. i'm not happy though. it is an ordinary day for me. why? technically, i'm single. and monthsaries are not celebrated when you and your loved one is not in good terms. but it is way different from my situation right now. a couple of weeks ago, kevin and i broke up. out of the blue, he stopped leaving messages, both in FS and YM. i'm asking him what's wrong but he is not responding. then one day, i decided to call it off. you know the scene here. guy disagreed and girl insisted. well. it's hard though. i did it ONLINE. aha. he's not here. he's in LONDON. we thought we could survive that LDR thingy but we didn't. but hey, enough of the story. after long talk. we decided to call it off for the mean time. he said that he'll wait and i said that i'll be mean to him. i said that it will not be the same and he sadi that it's ok. but now. his reaction are way too far from what he had said. he is not speaking to me again. come on. another broken promise. damn it.

what MEN do not KNOW about us :D

2008-10-16T22:53:00.000-07:00

from Alex's Post

1 – We women are born detectives. In our eyes, all men are suspect and their adventures will end up being discovered – it’s just a matter of time.

2 – Even if we are not in love with you, hearing “I love you” is a balm to our souls. And if you don’t say it, we will notice and become sad.

3 – The same thing happens with “you are beautiful”. It takes less than two seconds to say these three magical words, which can change our nightmares into real fairy tales.

4 – If we ask what clothes we should wear, don’t be annoyed if we put on exactly the opposite of what you chose – that’s part of our nature.

5 – At a party we are capable of scanning the whole room in less than a minute to find out what interests us. Just watch.

6 – We think of sex with the same compulsion as men - or maybe even more so. The only difference is that we don’t show it.

7 – If we don’t accept immediately an invitation to dinner or a first date, don’t worry – we just need a few days to lose the extra kilos that we always feel are ruining our lives.

8 – Women always remember everything. If you ask when we met, none of us will say: “at a party”. We will say: “it was a Tuesday, right after a dinner where they served salad and chicken broth, and you were wearing a black blazer and designer shoes, and so on.

9 – However much love we are capable of giving, there are seven days when we want to be far from everything and everybody. You have two options: tie yourself to a lamp-post and wait till the storm is over, or else go the nearest jeweler’s and buy a present. We recommend the second option.

10 – We have as much power of reasoning as men do. But we don’t need to make this evident, otherwise you will feel insecure. Women who do that end up alone.

11 – We love all kinds of hair on the male body, although waxing is our favorite torture.

12 – We hate making love when we don’t feel like it, but we do it anyway, and you will never be able to notice the difference.

13 – Play with our pets and our children, and we will play with you. Ignore them, and we will ignore you too.

14 – Women are equipped with X-ray vision. We can look at hard, dark eyes and discover the child hiding behind them. We can stare at angel-blue eyes and discover the demon that lies there. We know when men are pretending to be sleeping from tiredness or – more obviously – when they are pretending not to be sleeping with someone else.

15 – Not all women want marriage and children. Many just want orgasms and pets.

16 – When delicateness is genuine, it can melt our hardened hearts.

17 - If we have some problem to discuss with you, don’t try to give us the solution, we already have one. It’s just a pretext to prevent the relationship ending in boredom.

HUMALIT [question1]

2008-10-15T05:10:00.000-07:00

inaalyze ko yan ngayon. madali ba? tulungan mo nga ako.

Isang Mundo, Isang Awit

Ngayon mundo'y gulung-gulo
At lahat tayo'y litung-lito
Pag-ibig sa kapwa tao
Sa daigdig dapat ituro
Kung bawa't puso mayroong pagmamahal
Kapayapaa't kasiyahan tiyak na makakamtan

Lahat tayo'y pantay-pantay
Sa biyaya ng Maykapal
Lahat sana'y akbay-akbay
Handang tumulong kanino man
Kung bawat tao ay marunong magmahal
Ano mang kulay o salita
Tiyak na makiki-isa

Je t'aime, te amo, I love you
Watashi wa anata o aistomasu
Ich liebe dich, iniibig kita
Gua ay di
Paano man sabihin
Ang mundo'y turuan natin
Tanging lunas ang pag-ibig
Isang mundo, isang awit

Isang sigaw, Pag-ibig.

Bibliography

Leah Navarro. OPM Pinoy . 14 October 2008 .

my birthday entry for his 18th birthday[101408] :)

2008-10-15T05:06:00.000-07:00

i shall greet you a happy birthday

haynako. 18 ka na. marami ka nang pwedeng gawin. uminom [na matagal mo na ding ginagawa] mag yosi [masasapak naman talaga kita pag ginawa mo to oh], mag bar [wuuu! excited na sya dun!] mambuntis [papatayin ko ang aanakan mo!] makulong [sasapakin pa kita pag nangyari nga to!!!], mag asawa [ipapakulam naman talaga kita oh!] at kung anu-anu pa. sana lang eh kasama sa pwede mong gawin eh tumulong sa mga gawaing bahay, ayos na din na may alam ka para naman maging handa ka na sa future no. mahirap ung walang alam tssssk.

hmm. wish ko? sana, ngayong 18 ka na kahit paano eh alam mo na ung GREATEST DREAM mo para naman lalo kang mainspire sa mga ginagawa mo ngayon, alam mo, ako, ang greatest dream ko eh ang makapagpatayo ng isang school for the special children. wala lang, share ko lang. dahil sa dream na yan, naiinspire ako na amg-aral kahit na supeer nahihirapan na ako. oh well. kaya ko to. kkaya ikaw, kayanin mo din. sana ok an grades mo dyan. unahin mo muna ang pag-aaral kesa sa lakwatsa ha? nako. uupakan kita talaga pag nagloko ka dyan. kahit na sabihin pa natin na libre ung tutition mo eh hindi pa rin maganda na madelay ka pa ng isang taon. sayang ang oras no. TIME IS PRECIOUS.

natatawa naman ako sa isinusulat ko, para akong nanay na ngangaral sa anak. ewan ko ba. tingin ko kasi sayo, sa mga panahon na ito, kailangan mo pa ng "guide" kasi medyo naguguluhan ka pa. pero alam ko naman na hindi habang buhay eh kailangan mo ng "guide" kasi meron ka namang pag-iisip para magdesisyon para sa asraili mo. ang sa akin lang naman eh maging maayos ang lahat para sayo. sya nga pala, ayon dun sa nabansang kong commentary kagabi. THERE ARE NO RIGHT CHOICEs--only CHANCE and CHOSEN choices.

natutuwa ako. 18 ka na. welcome ka na sa world ng mga legal age. uhm, sana lang, hindi ka magbago. uhm mali. sana ung kwelang kevin, andyan pa rin. ung iba naman sympre dpat baguhin. ika nga nila, CHANGE FOR THE BETTER AND NOT FOR THE WORST. pero sympre, gaya nga nun sinabi ko, desisyon mo pa rin ung masusunod. ikaw pa rin ung makakpagsabi kung magbabago ka nga ba kasi walang sinuman ang pwedeng pumilit sayo. bakit? buhay mo naman yan eh. basta tatandaan mo na sa bawat gawin mo, maaring may masaktan at masiyahan. pero wag kang matatakot na baka may masaktan ka kaya hindi mo na gagawin ang isang bagay. alam mo na naman kasi sa sarili mo kung ano ang tama at mali. sundin mo ung prinsipyo mo. pero wag mong kalimutan na sundin ung totoo mong boss, Siya.

uhm, sya nga pala. pasensya ka na nga pala at hindi pa ako makabalik sa'yo ngayon. masakit din kasi ung nangyari para sa akin. may mga bagay na nagbago. mahirap naman kung ipipilit natin di ba? baka lalong hindi mag work. sa ngayon, hayaan na muna natin na ganito. wala naman sigurong mawawala eh. kailangan muna natin maibalik ung ibang foundation ng relationship bago tayo bumalik sa dati. inaamin ko, andun pa rin ung love. pero ang prblema kasi, hindi na kagaya ng dati. ayoko namang magsinungaling sayo na walang nagbago kasi meron nga. at malaki din ang pagbabago na yun. ayoko namang magpretend. pareho lang tayong mahihirapan nun. uhm, sorry kung nasasaktan ka na. wala eh. hindi ko pa kaya. ung paghihinitay na gagawin mo, ikaw ang bahala dun. hindi kita pipigilan. sabi ko nga, desiyon mo ang masusunod.

isa pa. wag ka lagi malungkot dyan. hindi naman aayos ang lahat kung magmukmuk lang, d ba? ngumiti ka kahit nalulungkot ka nu. panget ang nakasimangot. walang mararating ang kulubot mong labi. dapat smile lang para gwapo tingnan, ok?

ang haba na nito. ang gusto ko lang naman sabihin eh magpakasaya ka at maging handa sa lahat ng pagbabago ngayong 18 ka na.

happy birthday bhy. gihiguma ko ikaw :P

BLOGSITE

2008-10-15T04:55:00.000-07:00

nyahnyahnyah. ang engeng ko talaga. imbes na pagbuhusan ko ng pansin ung HUMALIT at LITEACH eh ito ang inuuna ko. wala eh. ayaw nang mag isip nag utak ko kapag ACADS ang pinag uusapan. iba naman daw para naman malibang ako. kalokohan nu? wala eh. naisipan kong tambakan ng blogs ngayon to.

ang weird. ang damin kong blogsite. ito. wordpress. friendster. multiply. eh minsan naman, copy paste lang ung mga andun. hindi ko alam kung ano ang meron sa mga blogsites at naadik ako. kahit nga plurk at twitter, pinatulan ko. siguro, ganun lang talaga ako kadaldal na hindi na ako nakuntento sa pagsasalita, pati ang technology, ginagamit ko para "makapagsalita" ako.

well. enjoy naman ako pag nagbablog. parang nalalbas ko ang lahat. hindi naman ako ung tipo ng blogger na may patatamaan dito at sasbaihan ng kung anu2, ung mga tama lang. kasi alam ko, ung mga ganung bagay, hindi tama na ipublish sa mga ganito. unethical, sa palagay ko.

sa tingin ko naman eh ayos akong blogger. kahit na minsan eh taglish eh ayos pa rin. ewan ko ba. kaya ko naman magsulat gamit ang wikang Ingles pero mas nasisiyahan ako pag Tagalog ang gamit ko. para bang mas nasasabi ko ang lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. hindi na ako nahihirapan pang mag-isip. [kaya nga nagtataka ako kung bakit BSE-ENG ang kinuha ko eh mas gusto ko naman ang Filipino.]

balik tayo sa mga blogsites. sa tingin ko, ang mga blogsites ko ang aking confidante. kasi, alam nila lahat kahit na hindi ko inilalabas ung lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. hindi rin sila nagrereact ng bonggang bongga pero kahit paano naman eh nakikinig sila. ung tipong kahit gaano kahaba ang kwento mo at kawalang kwenta eh hindi ka nila iiwan mag isa. makikinig lang sila hanggat tapos ka na. hindi ko naman sinasabi na ung mga kaibigan ko ngayon eh mga hindi maaasahan pero iba kasi talaga pag nagbablog ko. "uplifting" ung pakiramdam ko. sobra. natutuwa akong magsulat kahit na minsan eh wala naman talaga akong gustong isulat.

nakakatawa talaga ako. madaldal na nga, engeng pa. hehehe :P

grrr.

2008-10-15T04:54:00.000-07:00

hindi ko pa rin pinapansin mga kasama ko sa bahay simula nung pag-uwi ko last sunday. nakakairita naman talaga kasi. tuwing uuwi nga ako o tinatawagan ni mommy eh nakataas ung kilay ko. ewan ko ba. nakakainis talaga.

puro na lang simula.

2008-10-15T04:46:00.000-07:00

haynako. heto na naman ako, nambibitin ng trabaho. tsssk. masama ito. may oras pa naman ako pero hindi na kinakaya ng utak ko. hindi ko nga ba maintindihan eh. ung sa LITEACH, medyo kaya ko nang gawin kanina hindi ko pa nagawa. ung sa HUMALIT naman, ganun din.

ako talaga oh, puro simula na lang lagi. nako. sana lang eh matapos ko ng ayos. ayoko nang mag cram eh. nakakapagod. ang hirap din. tsk. kailan kaya dadating ung araw na pag may inumpisahan ako eh tatapusin ko agad? nako. matagal pa ata. kasi naman. ung utak ko din eh. kakaiba. pag sinabi nang hindi na siya mag-iisip, hindi na talaga. kahit na gusto pa ng katawan ko na gumawa. wala din nangyayari. wala naman kasing nagiisip kung anong gagawin niya eh.

nako naman oh. haaaaay. sana lang talaga matapos ko lahat ng nasimulan ko bago mag nextweek. oo nga at mahaba pa ang araw pero TIME IS PRECIOUS. hindi lang HUMALIT at LITEACH ang class ko. dapat by tomorrow eh tapos ko na ung dalawang to. kahit na gabihin ako ng uwi at umagahin sa tapat ng computer. wala eh. kailangan gumana ng utak ko.

haynakoooo. sa mga panahong ganito, naiisip ko talaga ang LAPTOP. ewan ko ba. kung may laptop lang sana ako, kahit saan pwede ko na gawin. nakakatamad na din naman kasing magsulat eh. pero anu pa nga ba ang gagawin ko kundi magtiis. mag draft sa papel. wala eh. ayoko naman ipagpilitan ung gusto ko. saka na siguro ako magkakaroon ng ganun kahit na naiinggit na ako sa classmates ko. oh well. ganun talaga siguro. pero at least, hindi pa naman ako nilalamon ng inngit na un. kontrolado ko pa. ayos pa naman. heheh. :) ang dami ko nang nasabi, ang gusto ko lang naman sabihin eh. SANA MATAPOS KO NA ANG LITEACH AT HUMALIT KO.

punyeta

2008-10-12T05:35:00.000-07:00

great. nakakunot ang noo ko ngayon. bakit? nabubwisit ba naman ako sa magaling kong kapatid. pagkadating ko, nagpatulong siya sa assignment niya. research eh. tinulungan ko. inayos ko. aba, nagreklamo kasi daw ang haba. peste. wala pa akong masyadong pahinga, inuna ko na nga ung kanya, sya pa ung may ganang magreklamo. lintek naman oh. tapos pagtingin ko dun sa washing machine, wala man lang isinalang eh gabundok na ang labada namin. ahah! hindi naman kukusutin eh, isasalang. tapos, hindi man lang naisip na magtiklop ng mga tuyong damit. nyeta. sino ang matutuwa dun? nagtext ako sa nanay ko, hindi man lang nagreact. ayos pa sana kung nagpaliwanag eh. hindi. tang inang buhay yan ah., kesyo quarterfinals ng peste kong akpatid. anak ng patola. kahit may exam ako, kahit paano gumagawa ako ng gawaing bahay! leche naman talaga oh. papatay ako ng tao ngayon. tapos simangot na naman daw ako. ay mga tanga naman pala sila. sino ang matutuwa sa ganoon. mga punyeta. mga walang alam kung di makita ako at pagalitan. hindi man lang nila tanungin kung bakit ako nagkakaganoon. mga peste. kung ganun ang gusto nila, eh di game. pakialam ko sa kanila. ay meronpala. sila nagpapalamon sa akin.

it's OFF forever.

2008-10-10T15:33:00.000-07:00

COLLIDE
The dawn is breakingA light shining throughYou're barely wakingAnd I'm tangled up in youYeah... I'm open, your closedWhere I follow you'll goI worry I wont see your faceLight up againEven the best fall down sometimeEven the wrong words seem to rhymeOut the doubt that fills my mindI somehow findYou and ICollideI'm quiet, you know You make a first impressionI've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mindEven the best fall down sometimesEven the stars refuse to shineOut of the back you fall in timeI somehow findYou and ICollideDon't stop hereI lost my placeI'm close behindWell even the best fall down sometimesEven the wrong words seem to rhymeOut of the doubt that fills your mindYou finally find you and I collideFinally find you and I collideYou finally find you and I collide

oh. ano naman kaartihan ko at my lyrics pa dyan ng collide? wala lang. maiba man ang ang intro ko. may ibigsabihn din naman kasi yan. yii. ang tagal ko nang hindi nagbablog tungkol sa akin. busy kasi eh. hindi sa school stuff ah. sa PLURK at BLOGSPOT lang. nyahahaha. medy hindi ko din feel magblog kasi naman.tinatamad ako. at naflood ko dati ung inbox ng contacts ko,. nakakahiya naman diba. baka ipadeport na nila ako. hehehe. puro kalokohan no? nagpapakasaya lang. may kadramahan na naman ako eh.

ewan ko ah. after nung "chat" namin kagabi. narealize ko na hindi niya ako kayang panindigan. na yung mga promises eh front lang. bakit? kung tao ka naman bang matino, lalayo ka pa ba kahit alam mo namang malayo ka ng sobra, as in milya-milya? maiisip mo bang lumayo dahil sa puro away na lang kayo? kung ako, hindi. gagawin ko. kausapin ko na lang ng ayos. kung masigawan ko siya, la akong pake. para masabi ko ung gusto kong sabihin. kahit paano naman siguro, matatauhan un. isa pa. kung lalayo lang, paano maayos ung problema? walang mangiyayari. lalong lalala. gaya nung sa amin.

sinubukan ko naman mag-approach eh. hello. ako pa. wala na akong pride pagdating sa love no. pero wala eh. layo daw muna akami. ginagawa nniya daw un para maging mas matatag kami. ah talaga? tingan niya nga ung nangyari sa amin ngayon. naging matatag ba? HINDI. isa pang rasom. mabilis akong magalit. oo, totoo un. hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ako magtiteacher eh mainitin naman ang ulo ko. siguro hindi niya lang ako kaya ispelingin. wala eh. eto pa ha. maniwala daw ako na mahal pa tin niya ako. ah. talaga? sorry ah. sa lahat ng nagawa mo ngayon, ung mga nasabi mo. wala na. MAHAL? wag mong lokohin ang sarili mo kasi alam ko naman hindi. nararamdaman ko un. hello. babae ako at malakas ang radar ko.

kagabi nga, napaisip ako. nabelawala lang ba ung pang-iiwan ko nun sa taong sobra akong mahal para sa taong mahal ko ng sobvra? nagsisisi nga ba ako kasi pagkatapos ng lahat ng ginawa ko para sa amin eh ang lagi na lang niyang ginawa ay itaboy ako palayo? nanghihinayang ba ako kasi iniwan ko ang isang taong hindi ako kayang iwan para sa isang taong heto na nga at iniwan na ako? sagot: HINDI. naging masaya naman ako eh. AKO RIN NAMAN ANG MAY GUSTO.
ngayon, nalulungkot lang ako. bakit ko kasi ibinuhos ang lahat para sa isang tao na hindi hamak na mas mahlaga ang PRIDE kesa sa akin? hay armine. LOSER ka. ikaw talaga ung LOSER na sinasabihan ni angelina sa bubble gang. you're such a loser MINA. go to hell. asa! nyahahaha.
i consider myself free. hindi naman siya gumagawa ng paraan para maibaik ako. mantulak lang ang alam nun. hindi na ako papakatanga sa paghihintay sa isang taong hindi naman ako kayang panindigan. wala na. bumibitaw na ako. WEAK? oo. nanghihina na ako sa lahat ng ginagawa niya sa akin ngayon. SCARED? oo natatakot ako na isang araw, sumbatan ko siya sa lahat ng ginawa niya tapos sasabihin niya bigla "may karapatan ka ba?"

sabi nga ni shai: forget him - MALABO to. pero subukan natin. masakit din naman kasi un. at may pinagsamahan kami. imagine, pang FOUR months lang pala kami. parang sabi ni GOD, lampasan niyo ung ONE month niyo dati pero hanggang FOUR lang. weird thinking MINA. pero alam mo, kahit paano, naging masayo ako. kasi naexpress ko ung sarilli ko. nailabas ko na lahat dito. weird lang, naiiyak ako. nyahaha :)

MINA ang itawag mo sa akin. hahaha. bagong buhay. masyado ang MIN. ayoko na. nyahaha:) let's be happy people. skip the drama. it's too much. he pushed me away for several times,. now, it's my time to live my life on my own again. i guess, the two of us will nver collide so i'm letting go. i just realized that HE IS BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME.hell. he can't bear the pain. i only cause him drama. i think, he goota look for someone else who will only bring HAPPINESS. bitter mina? nah ah. i just still want the best for him. that's how much i love him :P

who wants to have you as a boyfriend?

2008-10-09T06:06:00.000-07:00

This goes out to all the girls who are taken for granted and to guys who are too insensitive to notice..

What is a perfect girlfriend? They say there's no such thing as perfection, and that she doesn't exist.

Oh trust me, she does.

She dresses up all cute and pretty every time you take her out on a date. This is her way of keeping you interested as your eyes are locked solely on her. You stare at other girls instead, and she gets hurt and upset that all her time and effort were put to waste.
You call her insecure.

She holds on to you like she's never letting you go. This is her way of telling other girls that she's lucky that she has you, and no, you're not available.
You call her clingy.

She calls you the sweetest nicknames, or ones that only you two will understand. This is her way of saying how special you are, and that there's nobody else in this world like you. You call other girls "babe" just as how you would call her, and she gets disappointed.
You call her shallow and jealous.

She checks up on you, making sure you made it home safely or that you're not out getting yourself into any kind of trouble. This is her way of showing how often she thinks about you and that she worries constantly because that's how much she cares.
You say she's nagging.

She cries when you do or say something wrong. This is her way of saying "That hurt only because YOU said it and I love YOU."
You call her overly sensitive and emotional.

She loves you more than you love her. This is her way of dealing with the fact that your relationship wasn't like how it used to be, but she is willing to make room for more love and some changes. You push her away.
You call her dramatic and annoying.

So go ahead.

Leave the insecure, clingy, jealous, nagging, overly sensitive, annoying girl.

She will soon be much happier in the arms of someone who actually deserves her:

the perfect boyfriend.

sagot ko.

2008-10-09T05:28:00.000-07:00

malayo na nga, lalayo ba.

naisip mo ba kung gaano ka na kalayo sa akin?

namimiss? talaga?

mas matatag? COME ON!

wala na.

October 7, 2008

2008-10-09T05:27:00.004-07:00

haay.,inuuna mo nnmn yang glit mo eh.,kung yan ang iniisp mo d tlga tayo mgka2ayos.,kung iniisip mo nmn na mgglit ako sayo.,eh nde.,yan ang iniisp mo.,wla ako mggwa.,bsta d kta nilo2ko.,sna nmn mnwla ka.,at ska wag nmn twging LIAR.,grbi na dn eh..

- Kebbin

October 6, 2008

2008-10-09T05:27:00.003-07:00

bkt b d mo maintndhan.,?

- Kebbin

October 5, 2008

2008-10-09T05:27:00.001-07:00

hay.,bkt b AYAW MO MANIWALA?!?!

- Kebbin

October 5, 2008

2008-10-09T05:26:00.001-07:00

anu ba! d kta nilo2ko.,dba nga la2yo lng ako?!
- Kebbin

October 8, 2008

2008-10-09T05:24:00.000-07:00

oo tayo pa.,d nmn kta iniiwan eh.,pra san pa ang mga promises ko.,akala mo lng inwan kta kse d ako ngppramdam sayo.,dba nga ang sbi ko sayo la2yo lng ako.,sna nmn maintndhan mo.,klngan ntin gwin to pra mas mging matatag tayo.,dba nga gya ng sbi mo sken dte.,sorry kung ako ang gmwa.,sorry rn kung cnsktan kta pero pg dmting ung araw na okei na ang lhat magka2intndhan na tayo.,tska sna bawas bawas na ang away nten.,d ko lng ksi mkynan.,almost every week lgi nlng may away.,d ko cnsbi na ikaw lgi ang dahilan kya tayo nagkkgn2.,alam ko may pagku2lang dn ako.,sna mkynan mo.,konting tiis lng nmn eh.,ngaun lng nmn eto eh.,pg ntpos to mas mgging maayos ang lhat.,.,d lng ikaw ang nssktan.,pti ako.,nami2ss na dn kta.,
pero kung d mna maantay ang pgblik ko at may nkta ka nang iba go on lng.,alam ko nhhrpan ka ksi magkalayo tayo.,at ung ang hinahanap mo na d ko mgwa ksi nand2 nga ako.,
mahal na mahal prin kta armine.,
d na mgbggo un..
- Kebbin

October 4, 2008

2008-10-09T05:22:00.000-07:00

sorry armine.,sa tingin ko mas maigi tlga ndi mna tayo.,ang hirap ng gn2 ehh.,myat mya na tyo nag aaway.,sa tingin ko pg ngbti tayo ngaun ddting dn ung araw na mgka2away na nnmn tayo.,d ko cnsbi na ngswa nko sa pagintndi sayo.,bka sa pag away away nten mg iba ang relasyon nten eh.,bka mag iba ang feeling mo sken.,bka dmting ung araw na sbhin nung isa na ayaw na nya at ngsswa na.,mhirap pg mgkalayo tayo sa isat isa eh.,pg minsan d tayo magkaintndhan.,d ko alam na may ngwa na pla ako na bigla mong ikaga2lit o ikata2mpo.,nssktan ako sa tuwing nga2lit ka sken.,haaay.,
sna tanggapin mo pa ko sa pgblik ko.,
mahal na mahal prin kta armine.,d na magba2go un.,ingat ka palagi ha.,alagaan mo lgi sarili mo..sna ako prin ang baby mo..

- Kebbin

introduction to 1stconfict :O

2008-10-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

SNUB BOUNDARIES

“Why pursue changing the world if you can’t even change yourself?” I asked.
“If the world will change, I will cope with those changes and be someone else.” Rain answered.

That part of the conversation still echoed in my mind. I cannot get over it. I cannot believe how the Magna Cum Laude of Ateneo de Manila University Batch 2008 of Bachelor of Science major in Advertising Management can reason out things like that to me, the Magna Cum Laude of the one of the most prestigious schools in the country, De La Salle University – Manila for the same course, and look at me as if I am such a sore loser. I really can’t believe why Ateneo give that title to that arrogant and stunning man who only likes flirting with our other officemates and passing his errands to his secretary. I really can’t believe that he is my partner for our ad project about rapid change in the society. I really cannot believe it! I don’t know what God’s plans are but I really despised His plan me having an office next to him and being his partner for the rest of the year. I don’t know if this is karma about what I did when I was in college, bullying one of my block mates, but this is too much! Why on earth am I near him again? I swore to myself that I will never go near him for he caused me too much pain.

As I retreated to my office because I know that I will not win that conversation, I remembered the past, our past that broke my young heart. I used to call that bigheaded guy “Rain” because he calls me “Sunshine”. I blush whenever he calls me that because I had a huge crush on him. He has a rigid muscular body, short brown hair, piercing brown eyes, manly eyebrows and eyelashes, pointed nose, heart-shaped pinkish lips, soft hands and stands 5’8”. He looks like Brad Pitt, only that he has brown eyes. He is very charismatic. I always imagine him to be my husband because I believe that he is soul mate. I know that we are perfect for each other. I have short bob black hair, dark brown eyes, soft thin lips, slim body, pointed nose, soft hands, and stands 5’5”. He always tells me that I am sweet and unique because of my view in life. He knows that my dream of becoming the best advertising manager in the country is because I want to change the Filipinos.

His looks and personality make many of the girls and gays in our neighborhood want to take advantage of him. Instead of flirting with them when he is playing basketball or walking around the park with me, he just smiles and them and says that he will talk to them after his game. We are neighbors in Forbes Quezon City and I always like going to their house and play with his dog, Krein. We are classmates from pre-school to high school and I love sitting next to him in the school bus. He is my superhero until he did that nasty prank on me when we were in the ninth grade. It was our recess time and I had to go to the library because I had to do my homework for Literacy. When it was already time, I went back to our room and put my notebook on my desk. When I opened my bag, I saw a slimy snake crawling on my things. I freaked out, yelled “SNAKE” and disturbed the whole class. My numeracy teacher got so mad at me for the commotion and asked me to go to the discipline’s office and tell him what I did. As I walked my way to the door, that mean Rain tripped me that made me fell flat on the floor. I stood up, raised my face then walked in the corridor. I told myself that I will not cry because I am a brave girl. As soon as I entered the discipline’s office, I explained to the officer in charge that there was a snake in my bag. He asked me where did I get and I answered that I don’t know. He did not believe me and he sent me to the detention. I was so humiliated and furious about that especially when one of my good friends told me that he was the one who put that snake inside my bag. Rain put a snake inside my bag! He knows how much I despise snakes! I cried and cried to my mom because I thought that he is my superhero but I was wrong. He was the villain in my life. He is the antagonist that made my life miserable.

After what happened, I told my parents that I want to go to a different college because I want to have a better life without him. I want to forget my feelings for him and all the pain that he had caused me. My parents disagree at first but because I threatened them that I will not go to school, they allowed me to study at DLSU. I had a happy college life. No bullies. No pranksters. No mean and rude neighbor. No Kevin Brian Hernandez in sight. But sometimes, I feel that something is missing and I cannot tell what it is.

After graduation, I immediately look for a job. I do not want to rely on my family’s connections because I want to experience being independent. I believe that to be able to learn something, I have to experience it. All my life, I have been sheltered by my parents so I want to face the corporate world all by myself. I crave for freedom. I want to exercise my self-sufficiency and share all the things that I learned so I can help my fellow Filipinos to improve their lifestyle. Furthermore, I do not want to be one of the jobless Filipinos who keep on blaming the government for less job openings and poor economical status in the society. They are pathetic. How on earth will they have jobs if all they do the whole day is lie around and watch noontime shows and hoping that they will be able to join the contests and won some prize money? I hate to say this but some Filipinos are really lazy. We are born skilled workers. We are competent people but indolence hinders them to do things, look for jobs and use our skills to be successful in life. If only all the Filipinos are industrious, Philippines will be richer than Hong Kong or even Japan. Filipinos are very competent. I am very proud to say that because I am a very competent person. I always want to be on top because I believe that I deserve that. I have good grades since pre-school. My parents have high expectations from their only daughter so I always do my best. At first, I was not used to it but my mommy always tells me that it will lead me to a grander life.

At a young age, I know what my dream is-- to be the best among the best advertising manager in the country. I love commercials more than television programs. They stimulate my mind to analyze if the products are worth the price and useful. I want to make an ad that will make the Filipinos change themselves before changing the world. That’s why I decided to apply to Advertise and Rise Corporation. It is the most prestigious advertising company in the country. It has produced many great advertisements and commercials that really clicked. It made all the products very saleable and the models/endorsers famous which made all the producers, businessman and even politicians ask the company to make them an advertisement. I am very determined to get a job from that company and be its boss in the future. After a lot of interviews and screenings, I got a job. I was really surprised and excited for my first day in my first job.

On my first day, I dressed like a yuppie. Of course, I want to impress my officemates. I went straight ahead to my floor and look for Mr. H or Mr. Hernandez. At first, I thought of Rain, but I immediately erased it in my mind because as far as I can remember, his family migrated to New Zealand for good because of financial problems. I imagined Mr. H as an old man who wears a hearing aid and uses a cane to support his legs. I giggled as I enter his office. It is an elegant office. It is like what you see in a fashion magazine for houses. Its interior is very unique but one can easily notice that it is the main office because of the products that are carefully displayed on the right side of the office. Before I say “Awesome”, I immediately compose myself and greet Mr. H who is facing the huge window.
“Captivated by my office and you lost your tongue?” said Mr. H while facing the huge window.
I blushed. But I immediately composed myself and answer “No sir. Good Morning Mr. H”
“Good Morning. Sit down”, he answered without turning his back. “What is your name?” he asked after a long pause
“I am Alejandra Arineya P. Mercado”
“Your name is too long.”
“You can call me Ayie.”
“How old are you?”
“I’m turning 20”
“Where did you graduate?”
“De La Salle University-Manila”
“Ahh. The rival of my school”
“He is from the blue side” I said to myself
“Why are you here?”
“I am here because I want to show the world my creativity and uniqueness in encouraging people to change lives”
“Are you a militant?”
“No sir. I have just vision in life that I must promote self-change because of my observations in the current situation in this country”
“Oh, are you Mother Earth?”
“Again, Sir?”
“Nothing. I said, you’re still pretty my lovely sunshine”
I froze. Did he really call me Sunshine? Is my boss the guy from my past? “Kevin Brian Hernandez??”
“Bingo!” he answered as he turns his back. His smile is still enchanting.
“Why on earth are you here?” I retorted.
“Why on earth am I here? It is simply because I am your boss, sweetie. Welcome to Advertise and Rise, your only way to good fortune. Aren’t you happy that we’re together again?”
“Happy? Are you kidding me? Come on. Give me a break. Don’t start with me. I had enough of your foolishness. Where is the real Mr. H?”
“Well, he is right in front of you.”
“Oh my goodness.”
“Why? Let me make it up to you.”
“Make up? I will never forget what you did to me. You messed my last year in high school”
“I know. I am really sorry. If you only knew what is the real reason behind it.”
“Let’s stop this nonsense conversation.”
“But Sunshine.”
“What do you want me to do Mr. H?”
“Sunshine, please”
“My name is Ayie, sir.”
“Oh. Alright then. Go to the Marketing Department and get the new products”
“Okay sir. But where is the Marketing Department?”
“I don’t know. I did not eat it”
“Thank you Sir”

After leaving the office, I immediately went to the ladies’ room and shout my heart out. I thought that I will be away from him from the rest of my life since we studied college at different schools and his family migrated to New Zealand. But look how destiny works! We are on the same company. He’s my boss and I am his employee. Oh no. God save me.

FINE

2008-10-04T16:02:00.000-07:00

hindi na ako nagulat dun sa desisyon mo na maglayo muna tayo. ganun naman lagi desisyon mo pag nagkakaganito tayo eh. ang tanga ko lang para isipin na magkakaayos pa tayo. pero hindi. napatunayan nito sa akin na hindi hamak na mas mahalaga ung pride mo kaysa sa akin. alam ko, nasasaktan ka pag nag-aaway tayo pero alam mo din ba na nasasaktan ako? akala ko, ako ung mahina sa atin. hindi pala. ikaw ang unang sumuko. ikaw. tapos sinanasabi mo na hintayin kita pagbalik mo? hindi ako martir. inaamin ko, mahal kita ng sobra pero itng ginawa mo sa akin. walang katulad. walang kasing sakit. salamat ha. hindi ko akalain na sa lahat, ikaw pa ang makakagawa nito. daig pa nito ung nalaman ko na niloloko lang ako ni j****. grabe..

LAYO ang ang gutso mo di ba? sige. lalayo ako. ung sobrang layo sa iyo/ ung hindi mo na ako makikita. wala ka nang maririnig sa akin. wala na. LAYO di ba??? sige. ngayon, hindi ko na ipagpipilitan ang sarili ko. hindi na. muli, itinaboy mo ako. hindi na ako lalapit sayo. tama na ang ilang beses mong pagtaboy sa akin. tama na. hindi ko na kaya.

ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit ako ganito ngayon. ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit ako sumuko. ikaw. nung una, alam ko. kasalanan ko. pero ngayon? ikaw na. iniintay kita gabi2. nagmemessage ako. nagbablog ako. anu gingawa mo? wala. tama nang ito na ang huling blog na mababasa mo tungkol sa nararamdaman ko tungkol sayo.

kung ako sayo, wag ka nang umasa sa akin kasi hindi mo alam ung sakit na ginawa mo. sige.

YOU'VE LOST ME.

simula ngayon

2008-10-04T05:19:00.000-07:00

wala na akong kilalang kevin brian c. yumang.
wala akong naging POOH.
wala.
kakalimutan ko ang lahat ng nangyari.
wala nang matitira na alaala mo sa akin.
WALA na.

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE [anonymous]

2008-10-04T05:11:00.000-07:00

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short

sige.

2008-10-04T05:05:00.000-07:00

kalimutan mo na ako. ang lahat ng tungkol sa akin. ganun din ang gagawin ko.

it will NEVER be the same.

2008-10-04T05:04:00.001-07:00

may mga bagay na hindi na kayang ibalik pa sa dati. ung tipong dyamante, pag may lamat na, mababa na ang halaga. ang sugat na kaht gumaling na, may peklat naman. ang paghingi ng sorry eh nagawa mo na ang kasalanan. hindi madaling iwasan ang mga pagkakamali. pero dapat malaman na sa bawat pagkakamaling nagawa, hindi lahat ay kayang bumalik sa dati. minsan pa nga, nagsisimula ang isang gulo na wala nang katapusan dahil masyadong nasaktan. pero ano nga ba ang magagawa natin kung iyong mga tao sa mismo sa paligid mo ang nagpapahiwatig na wag na lang kayong bumalik sa dati? ipipilit mo ba ang sarili mo o hahayaan mo na lang ang gusto niya? mahirap. pero ganun talaga. buhay yan eh.

uhm

2008-10-04T05:03:00.000-07:00

binabawi ko na ung blog ko entitled SANA sa multiply. hayaan mo na lang ako. wag mo na sundin ung gusto ko. mas masasaktan lang ako.

bye.for.real.

2008-10-04T04:58:00.000-07:00

ngayon, napatunayan ko na mas mahalaga ang pride mo kaysa sa akin. masakit isipin pero iyong ung totoo. ang sakit. sobra. pero anong magagawa ko. hanggang dito na nga lang tayo. wag kang mag-alala. hindi na ako magpaparamdam sayo. kahit kailan. wala ka na ring malalaman na nararamdaman ko tungkol sayo. wala na. hindi na kita guguluhin. hinahayaan na kita. tutal. iyon din naman ang gusto mo. ang sumuko ako. eto. sumusuko na ako. sabihin mo na mahina ako. na hindi ko tinupad ung promise. pero sana maisip mo na paano ko gagawin kung ikaw mismo, ayaw mo. hindi mo alam kung gaano kasakit to. sa huling sandali. ikaw rin pala ung makakasakit sa aking sobra. wala na. wala na.

:((

2008-10-04T04:55:00.001-07:00

ang sakit.
SOBRA
online ka pala.
nako.
wala na.
wala na.

nasaktan na ako ng todo.
wala na.

:((

PENDING :O

2008-10-04T04:47:00.000-07:00

“Why pursue changing the world if you can’t even change yourself?” I asked.
“If the world will change, I will cope with those changes and be someone else.” Rain answered.

That part of the conversation still echoed in my mind. I cannot get over it. I cannot believe how the Magna Cum Laude of Ateneo de Manila University Batch 2008 of Bachelor of Science major in Advertising Management can reason out things like that to me, the Magna Cum Laude of the one of the most prestigious schools in the country, De La Salle University – Manila for the same course. I really can’t believe why Ateneo give that title to that arrogant man who only likes flirting with our other officemates and passing his errands to his secretary. I really can’t believe that he is my partner for our project about rapid change in the society. I really cannot believe it! I don’t know what God’s plans are but I really despised His plan me having an office next to him and being his partner for the rest of the year. I don’t know if this is karma about what I did when I was in college, bullying one of my block mates, but this is too much! Why on earth am I always near him? We are neighbors in Forbes Quezon City. We are classmates since pre-school until high school. He was my superhero then until one day in my high school years.

I used to like him when we are still young. He is my superhero until he did that nasty prank on me when we were in the ninth grade. It was our recess time and I had to go to the library because I had to do my homework for Literacy. When it was already time, I went back to our room and put my notebook on my desk. When I opened my bag, I saw a green snake! I was surprised when I saw it crawling on my things. I freaked out, yelled and disturbed the whole class. My numeracy teacher got so mad at me and she asked me to go to the discipline’s office and tell him what I did. As I walked my way to the door, that mean Rain tripped me that made me fell flat on the floor. I stood up, raised my face then walked in the corridor. I told myself that I will not cry because I am a brave girl. As soon as I entered the discipline’s office, I explained to the officer in charge that there was a snake in my bag. He asked me where did I get and I answered that I don’t know. He did not believe me and he sent me to the detention. I was so humiliated and furious about that especially when one of my good friends told me that he was the one who put that snake inside my bag. Rain put a snake inside my bag! He knows how much I despised snakes! I cried and cried to my mom because I thought that he is my superhero but I was wrong. He was the villain in my life. He is the antagonist that made my life miserable. And since that day, I wanted to go away from that guy and kill him.

He just made my life miserable when I was a kid and I want to have a better life without him. But look how destiny works! I thought that I will be away from him from the rest of my life since we studied college at different schools. I had a happy college life. No bullies. No pranksters. No mean and rude neighbor. No Kevin Brian Hernandez in sight. But sometimes, I feel that something is missing and I cannot tell what it is. It is like I am looking for something that will really make me happy.

After graduation, I immediately look for a job. I do not want to be one of the jobless Filipinos who keep on blaming the government for less job openings. They are pathetic. How on earth will they have jobs if all they do the whole day is lie around and watch noontime shows? They are always hoping that they will be able to join the contests and won some prize money. I hate to say this but some Filipinos are really lazy. We are born skilled workers. We are competent people but indolence hinders them to do things, look for jobs and use our skills to be successful in life. If only all the Filipinos are industrious, Philippines will be richer than Hong Kong or even Japan. Filipinos are very competent. I am very proud to say that because I am a very competent person. I always want to be on top because I believe that I deserve that. I have good grades since pre-school. My parents have high expectations from their only daughter so I always do my best. At first, I was not used to it but my mommy always tells me that it will lead me to a grander life. At a young age, I know what my dream is, to be the best among the best advertiser in the country. I love commercials more than television programs. They stimulate my mind to analyze if the products are worth the price.

UNiLiTE :D

2008-09-06T17:10:00.001-07:00

i loooooove them so much :)

because of them, i found HOME :)

nothing compares with these people [it still lacks a lot :)]

always happy moments.

seldom dull mos

thanks to our handy cam [both digi and phones] and cheesy jokes

everything is so sassy :P

very POWERFUL people.

won't trade you for the WORLD :)

100days

2008-08-28T07:09:00.000-07:00

hindi kita iniwan. hinding hindi kita iiwan. lumayo lang ako kasi kailangan kong mag-heal. kung tutuloy tayo ng mahina ako, masusumbatan lang kita. magaaway lang tayo. hindi kita iniwan. hindi. hindi ko magagawang sirain iyong promise ko sayo. never. nunca. masyado na kitang mahal para gawin ko yun. mahal kita. wag mo isipin na iiwan kita. hindi. ikakamatay ko yun. hayaan mo lang na magheal ako. give me 100 days. ayokong bumalik sayo na masusumbatan kita dahil nangyari ang mga bagay-bagay. maniwala ka sa akin. ginagawa ko to di lang para sa akin kung di para sa atin din. ayoko dumating iyong time na iisipin natin na we're not meant for each other, gaya ng iniisip mo ngayon. ayusin muna natin ang mga sarili natin.

sa loob ng 100days, magkakaroon tayo ng oras na amg-isip. pero kung di mo kaya. kung tingin mo balewala na, sabihin mo sa akin agad, wag mo na hintayin ung ika 100th day. wag mong hintayin na dadating dun sa point na mas mahal pa kita ngayon at di ko na kayang i-let go ka.

mahal kita kevin. mahal na mahal. hindi ko maipipilit sayo na wag mong isipin ang mga naiisip mo ngayon kasi isip mo yan. wala akong magagawa, pero sana lang. maniwala ka sa gagawin ko ngayon. masakit. sobra tayong nasasaktan. pero kailangan para maging mas matatag tayo. hindi sapat yung mga napagdaanan na natin. kevin. mahal na mahal kita. kung may gusto man ako na makasama in the future, ikaw na yon. iloooveyousomuch. mamimiss kita. ngayon pa lang.

iniiyakan na naman kita, di ka naman patay. hay. ang hirap. tuwing mag-iisa ako, ikaw na lang lagi asa isip ko. out of the blue, biglang kang sisingit sautak ko at iiyak na lang ako bigla. ito ang pinakamahirap na desisyon na nagawa ko. sana, suportahan mo ako.

mahal kita kevin.walang magbabago. ako pa rin ang armine mo.

a BLOG of APPRECIATION :)

2008-08-24T01:56:00.000-07:00

hey sexylove :)

i want to express my deepest gratitude for my only love :)

thank you for making me smile.
for making me laugh.
for making me sad.
for making me mad.
for making me bad.
it makes me feel that I am alive and that you're really concerned about what I feel.

thank you for the times you waited.
for the times you understood.
for the times you cared.
for the times you laughed with me. cried with me.
it made me feel that I am loved.

thank you for being sweet and cheesy.
serious and funny
helpful and patient
it made me feel that I am special.

thank your for the little things you do
you never demanded something in return

thank you for helping me with my problems
you never left me

thank you for not leaving me though I always start a fight
you never said It's my fault

thank you for coming back though I let you go
you never looked for somebody else

thank you for loving me.
I LOVE YOU TOO :)

All the things that you do are very much appreciated baby.
I love you so much :)

talk about IRONY :P

2008-08-24T01:41:00.000-07:00

Top Ten INventions of 2008:

1. Water Proof Towel

2. Solar powered flashlight

3. Submarine Screen door

4. A book on how to read

5. Inflatable dart board

6. A dictionary index

7. Ejector seat in a helicopter

8. Pedal-powered wheel chair

9. Powedered water

10. Water proof tea bag

The Sacrament of Waiting

2008-08-20T04:57:00.000-07:00

From: Chesca Tinio
http://chescatinio.multiply.com/journal/item/12/the_sacrament_of_waiting_

The Sacrament of Waiting by Fr. James Donelan, S.J.

The English poet John Milton once wrote that those who serve stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakeable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts than all the great deeds of derring-do that go by the name of action.

Waiting is a mystery—a natural sacrament of life. There is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.

Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting—testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in our self-control—pasensya na lang. We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations, and bus depots are temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one—or wait in sadness to say goodbye and to give that last wave of hand. We wait for birthdays and vacations; we wait for Christmas. We wait for spring to come or autumn—for the rains to begin or stop.

And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next step. We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success, and recognition. We wait to grow up—to reach the stage where we make our own decision.

We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is part of the tapestry of living—the fabric in which the threads are woven that tell the story of our lives.

Yet the current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait. “Grab all the gusto you can get.” So reads one of America’s great beer advertisements—Get it now. Instant pleasure—instant transcendence. Don’t wait for anything. Life is short—eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you’ll die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom—premarital sex and extramarital affairs—they warn against attachment and commitment, against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us, against vows and promises, against duty and responsibility, against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and to wait.

This may be the correct prescription for pleasure—but even that is fleeting and doubtful. What was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure? “Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated.” Now if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, souls as well as heart, we have to learn to love someone else other than ourselves.

For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery brushing by our face everyday like stray wind or a leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has ever loved knows how much waiting goes into it, how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime.

Why is this so? Why can’t we have love right now—two years, three years, five years—and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit, the seed to flower, carbon to change into a diamond.

There is no simple answer, no more than there is to life’s demands: having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have already made other commitments, or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives, having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your path. Goodbyes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.

All we know is that growth—the budding, the flowering of love needs patient waiting. We have to give each other time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we love them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting—of being present without making demands or asking rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life in the gift we give.

So lovers wait for each other until they can see things the same way, or let each other freely see things in quite different ways. What do we lose when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance and intimacy of the way they were? They have to wait—in silence—but still be present to each other until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory, and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.

What do we lose when we refuse to wait? When we try to find short cuts through life, when we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of ever truly loving or being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature. Isn’t it of their very essence that they are filled with the strange but common mystery—that waiting is part of the substance, the basic fabric—against which the story of that true love is written?

How can we ever find either life or love if we are too impatient to wait for it?

Frustration

2008-08-20T03:52:00.000-07:00

ANNOYING: It rained cats and dogs toDAY. hell. I was wearing my cute white pumps today and my feet got wet. bummer. It's hard to walk. There's TAFT RIVER. Oh my. ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES where STREETS, AVENUES and BOULEVARDS become a body of water. What the hell. MMDA should do something about this. IT'S FREAKIN' ANNOYING.

MORE ANNOYING: We went to school just to attend our major, STGEARTS. I was expecting to see Miss Katea so I can get my coursecard from her, but. She wasn't there. And, she sent a message to Bryan to tell the class that there's no MYTFOLK and she'll be giving our coursecard on FRIDAY. Good thing. Shaira and I will meet on FRIDAY for our effin ENGLRES.

MOST ANNOYING: CLASSES WERE SUSPENDED, 11:20PM ONWARDS. FCUK. TOO MAD TO ELABORATE.

The one that got away

2008-08-19T04:08:00.000-07:00

*Stolen from Sherwin Diu
Link: http://sherdiu.multiply.com/journal/item/43/The_one_that_got_away..

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with ... and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequential become deal breakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flash point of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple ... find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."

Famous Philippine Movies Lines

2008-08-18T06:48:00.000-07:00

1) “You’re nothing but a second-rate, trying hard copycat!”
-Cherie Gil, “Bituing Walang Ningning”

2) “Para kang karinderyang bukas sa lahat ng gustong kumain.”
-Vilma Santos, “Palimos ng Pag-ibig”

3) “Walang himala! Ang himala ay nasa puso ng tao! Nasa puso nating lahat!”
-Nora Aunor, “Himala”

4)“My brother is not a pig! My brother is not a pig! Ang kapatid ko ay tao, hindi baboy damo!”
-Nora Aunor, “Minsa’y Isang Gamugamo”

5) “Gaano kadalas ang minsan? Once, twice, three times more?”
-Hilda Koronel, “Gaano Kadalas Ang Minsan?”

6) Ayoko ng masikip, ayoko ng walang tubig, ayoko ng mabaho, ayoko ng walang pagkain, ayoko ng putik"
-Maricel Soriano, “Kaya Kong Abutin ang Langit”

7) “Hayop… Hayuuup… Hayuuupppp!”
-Nora Aunor, “Ina Ka Ng Anak Mo”

8) “Walang personalan. Trabaho lang.”
-Rudy Fernandez, “Markang Bungo”

9) “Si Val! Si Val! Puro na lang si Val! Si Val na walang malay!”
-Vilma Santos, “Saan Nagtatago ang Pag-ibig”

10) “Pwede bang makausap ang asawa ko na asawa mo na asawa ng bayan?”
-Laurice Guillen, “Nagalit ang Buwan sa Haba ng Gabi”

11) “Akala mo lang wala.. pero meron!! meron!! meron!!”
-Carlo Aquino, “Bata, bata…Paano ka Ginawa”

12) “Gutay-gutay na ang katawan n’yo! Pati ang kaluluwa n’yo, gutay-gutay na rin ”
-Sharon Cuneta, “Pasan Ko Ang Daigdig”

13) “Sabel! This must be love!”
-Carmi Martin, “Working Girls”

14) Sharon: “Ang hirap sa ‘yo, Delfin, maaga kang pinanganak.”
FPJ: “Ang hirap sa ‘yo, Georgia, huli ka nang ipinanganak.”
-Sharon & FPJ, “Kahit Konting Pagtingin”

15) “Wala akong pakialam. Ibalik mo sa akin si Junjun! Ibalik mo sa akin si Junjun!”
-Vilma Santos, “Paano Ba Ang Mangarap?”

16) “Kung saan, kailan at paano ang labanan, magpasabi ka lang. Hindi kita uurungan!”
-Sharon Cuneta, “Dapat Ka Bang Mahalin?”

17) Alice: “Ate, mamatay ako pag kinuha mo sa akin si Alex.”
Lorna: “Ipalilibing kita!”
Alice: “Ate please.”
Lorna: “Nu’ng inagaw mo sa akin si Alex, muntik na rin akong mamatay. Ngayon naagaw ko na siya sa ‘yo, ikaw naman ang mamatay!”
-Alice Dixson and Lorna Tolentino, “Nagbabagang Luha”

18) “Kung hindi mo ako kayang mahalin tulad ng isang tunay na asawa, e di mahalin mo ako bilang isang kaibigan. Kung ayaw mo pa rin no’n, bigyan mo na lang ako ng respeto bilang isang tao.”
-Vilma Santos, “Relasyon”

19) “Cheeta-eh! Ganda lalake! Sinungaling! Sinungaling ka talaga! Panget! Panget ka pa rin!”
Rene Requiestas and his echo in “Starzan 2: The Legend Continues”

20) “Kung hindi tayo kikilos, sino ang kikilos? Kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa?”
-Tony Santos Sr., “Sister Stella L.”

21.I was never your partner. I'm just your wife kaya di mo ako niririspeto.

-SHARON CUNETA in MADRASTA

22.I did not... kill.. Anybooooodddddy!
-NORA AUNOR in FLOR CONTEMPLACION

23.Putang-ina! (Slaps doctor) Diyos ka ba? Diyos ka ba para diktahan ang buhay ko? Ayoko nito! Ayoko nito!
-VILMA SANTOS in THE DOLZURA CORTEZ STORY

24.Kung naigapos ko man ang puso mo ang sa akin ay pinatay ko.
-LORNA TOLENTINO in NAKAGAPOS NA PUSO

25.lahat ng ibinibigay ko sa pamilya koibinibigay ko rin sa iyo! lahat! lahat! lahat! lahat lahat lahat!"
-CLAUDINE BARRETO in MILAN

26.hindi niyo maiintindihan dahil gustoniyong palabasin na masama akong babae!"
-CHIN-CHIN GUTIERREZ in IPAGLALABAN KO THE MOVIE

27.you made me believe. you made me believe we had a chance..."
-SHARON CUNETA in MINSAN MINAHAL KITA

28.pagmasdan mo ang mukhang ito! basahin mo sa mukhang ito ang di mabilang na kasalanan ninyo at nang inyong ama sa akin at sa aking ina!
-HILDA KORONEL in MAHAWI MAN ANG ULAP

29.bayaran mo ng buhay ng anak mo ang buhay ng anak ko!"
-SHARON CUNETA in MAGKAPATID

30.nagpanggap ako'ng class dahil yun ang sinabi nila sa akin. eh ikaw sino ang nagsabi sa iyong magpanggap kang tao?"
-JUDY ANN SANTOS in IM SORRY MY LOVE

31.ang hirap sa iyo hindi mo na makuha ng tama ang order hindi mo na maluto ng tama ang sisig hindi ka pa magkaanak!"
-DIETHER OCAMPO in GIMIK THE REUNION

32.pag-ibig?! putanginang pag-ibig yan!"
-NANNETE MEDVED in NARITO ANG PUSO KO

33.galit ako sa mga lalake dahil wala na silang ibang ginawa kungdi iwan ang pamilya ko!galit ako sa sarili ko dahil putangina! ikaw ang kauna unahang lalaking minahal ko!"
--REGINE VELASQUEZ in DAHIL MAY ISANG IKAW

34."i never really believed in forever toni. but i think i found forever in you."
-RICO YAN in GOT TO BELIEVE

35.nangyari na ang nangyari carl. hindi natin ginusto, hindi dapat pero nangyari na... walang tayo carl."
-CLAUDINE BARRETO in KAILANGAN KITA

36.hihintayin kita sa langit gabriel..."
-DAWN ZULUETA in HIHINTAYIN KITA SA LANGIT

37.ligaya... ligaya ang itawag mo sa akin... yan ang trabaho ko, nagbibigay ng aliw..."
-ROSANNA ROCES in LIGAYA ANG ITAWAG MO SA AKIN

38.Pinapangako ko, Inay... Bukas, luluhod ang mga tala!"
- SHARON CUNETA in BUKAS LULUHOD ANG MGA TALA

39.Mahal mo ba ako, dahil kailangan mo ako o kailangan mo ako kaya mahal mo ako."
- CLAUDINE BARRETO in MILAN

40.Sana sa bawat sigarilyo hinihitit mo, sa bawat alak na iniinom mo, naisip mo kung ilan pagkain ang tiniis kong hindi kainin para lang may ipadala sa inyo"
- VILMA SANTOS in ANAK

41.Ding...ang bato!"
- VILMA SANTOS in DARNA

42.Eddie Garcia: Marami ka pang bigas na kakainin!
FPJ: Hindi ako kumakain ng bigas, Major. Sinasaing ko muna bago kong kakainin. Ikaw Major, palay palang, kinakain mo na.
EG: Shit!
FPJ: Shit ka rin!
-EDDIE GARCIA & FERNANDO POE JR. in KAPAG PUNO NA ANG SALOP II

43.Ang hirap sa'yo, sala ka sa init, sala ka sa lamig. Isinusuka ka ng diyos, iniluluwa ka ng langit.
-VILMA SANTOS in T-BIRD AT AKO

44.Ayoko mag-itim. Ayoko magluksa. Wala sa damit, wala sa kulay ang pagmamahal. Narito, nasa puso, nasa utak!.
-MARICEL SORIANO in SAAN DARATING ANG UMAGA

45."taas na nga kamay ko sayo eh, mahal na nga kita palagay ko eh, maging sino ka man"
- ROBIN PADILLA in MAGING SINO KA MAN

46.Bakit ang ama, makapag-trabaho lang sya at maibigay ang pangangailangan ng anak mabuti na sa paningin ng iba?!... pero bakit ang ina ginawa mo ng lahat... nagpakapagod ka, masama parin sa paningin ng iba?!"
-VILMA SANTOS in ANAK

47.Get out of my house! Oo, bahay ko 'to! Bahay ko 'to dahil ako ang nagbabayad ng ilaw, ako ang nagbabayd ng tubig! Get out of my house! I don't need a parasite!
-MARICEL SORIANO in SOLTERA

48.Darating siya, alam ko darating siya at mamahalin niya ako para sa mga taong hindi nagmahal sa akin..."
-MARICEL SORIANO in IKAW PALANG ANG MINAHAL

49.VS:Ako pa rin ang asawa, karugtong ng buhay, kasiping sa kama!"
MS:Ang anak hindi napapalitan pero ang asawa nahihiwalayan!!!"
-VILMA SANTOS AND MARICEL SORIANO in YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW

50.Walang hindi nakakakilala sa pangalang MAGNOLIA DELA CRUZ, ang hindi nakakakilala sa pangalang ito ay ASO lamang!!!"
-NORA AUNOR in BILANGIN MO ANG BITUIN SA LANGIT

CRAM = STUDY

2008-08-18T03:09:00.001-07:00

According to English Thesaurus (U.S.) found in my Microsoft Word 2007, the word is cram is a synonym of STUDY, MUG UP and GEN UP. I don't know exactly the meaning of mug up and gen up but STUDY. i know it a lot.

Nevertheless, after four terms, I have realized that I am such a crammer. My blockmates and I coined it.

I have ample time to finish everything but. I did not do my school works. Yeah. I have more time on visiting my FS and MULTiPLY accounts. Yeah. I don't prioritize school works. I feel dull when I'm about to do it. I mean. Why do the teachers have to ask us to write TONS of reflection papers about things that we discussed in the classroom? Hello there. It's so taxing. It's already hard to answer their questions and now, they want us to write down our thoughts. Come on. They are making us miserable. [and the best actress award goes to.. :P]

Right now, I am studying. Or should I say, cramming? I have a lot of things to do. Read. Think. Type. Correct. All about writing journals. Yeah. effin' journals. I am into reading but not into writing. Ugh! I hate it. BUt since it's a MUST, I have to do it. I should do it. But the problem is, I don't know where to start. I am having ha real hard time thinking. Like, hello there. I have a short term memory and I forget things I don't want to remember. Hayayay. This is a huge problem. And I think, I should start solving it now.